Social Anxiety can be an incredibly crippling, lonesome and painful condition to deal with, particularly when undiagnosed. Recently, I have realised my own, previously silent, battle with Social Anxiety and want to share what I’ve learned after becoming aware — and how knowing and being accepting of it has made my life better.
Definition
“Social Anxiety disorder, also called Social Phobia, is a long-term and overwhelming fear of social situations. It’s a common problem that usually starts during the teenage years. It can be very distressing and have a big impact on your life. For some people it gets better as 2they get older. But for many people it does not go away on its own without treatment. It’s important to get help if you are having symptoms. There are treatments that can help you manage it.” — NHS
Social Anxiety can be a profound form of anxiety affecting social behaviour and self opinion. Both usually work together in a neat little cutting-bow. There is a spectrum of Social Anxiety from very mild to very intense so it can be hard to initially identify.
Social Anxiety has many faces, such as: an intense fear of social situations, anticipation anxiety leading to avoiding opportunities to converse and connect, poor verbal comunication complicated with thought process problems, overly critical self-evaluation and rumination of social performace, low self-esteem and confidence due to constant self-critism and perfectionism, and finally fear of being judged and ridiculed when not interacting — leading to loneliness and isolation. These fears can be particularly damaging and can be difficult to escape.
Causes
Genetics
Having a parent with Social Anxiety can lead to a 30/40% more chance of attracting the condition. It is not an easy feat knowing the nature vs nurture side of Social Anxiety as both play a huge role.
Parenting Styles
Saying that, there is a direct correlation between negative parenting styles and Social Anxiety. When parents are over controlling, quick to critisize, reluctant to show affection (or incapable of it), or overly concerned by the opinion of others, a child's self-esteem/self-image and their impression of the world becomes shaped and warped by said parental characteristics.
Later, sufferers of this failing become fearful and their self-esteem and self-confidence may become lower and even be completely taken away from themselves. Parents don’t realise their actions are harmful. Their focus on negativity, or tendency for it at least, can lead to later troubles for their children down the line — introducing Social Anxiety.
Unfortunately for some, one does not get to choose who are parents are, so accepting them for who they are and not taking responsibility for their failings is a must for adolescents and young adults. Otherwise, taking responsibility and internalising situations and feeling that are not theirs to bare, will ruin their life.
Environmental Influences
Stressful life events and trauma also play a huge role in the influence of Social Anxiety manifestation. Here are some known exposures: Physical or sexual abuse, bullying or persistent, teasing, family conflict(s), death or desertion by a parent, premature birth or pregnancy problems before or during.
Traumatic experiences reinfornce ones subconscious belief that the world is a scary and unpredictable place. Furthermore, it can be particularly shocking and traumatic for kids to learn that their own caregivers, including parents, are capable of selfish or hurtful behaviour. If they can’t trust your family, who can they trust? As a child you are soaking in information, so beleifs like this can, and will, manifest.
Triggers
Our society now generalises conditions or behaviours like Social Anxieties into identity. Bad people are all bad, Good people can do no wrong, All priests are pedophiles or all Pit bulls are mean dogs. Whatever it is, this is usually if not entirely not the case. This is also the case with people dealing with Social Anxiety. Don’t label yourself, or others you. Social Anxiety is not you, or you it. It’s just a part of you.
Moreover, people suffering with Social Anxiety do not experience symptoms in all areas of life. When interacting with people they trust like partners, parents, siblings, children, grandparents, close friends, favourite teachers etc. They may show no signs of Social Anxiety whatsoever in this company, and, in feilds where they are well-versed and confident, they can showcase knowledge in a public-speaking environment with some degree of confidence.
But, many other situation can evoke distress and anxiety, even though they wouldn’t seem stressful for others. Social Anxiety triggering is a personal thing. Some common forms of Social Anxiety triggers are:
- Meeting new people.
- Dating.
- Interacting with authority figures.
- Conversing with extraverts.
- Parties, especially entering, or going, solo.
- Large family gatherings.
- Unexpected interactions.
- Being teased (people with Social Anxiety tend to take teasing personally).
- Being watched during new or unfamiliar activities.
- being asked to speak in front of others or public speaking.
- Speaking on the phone.
- Therapy.
Most people dealing Social Anxiety will have three or four of these triggers that causes immense anxiety. And some will go to great lengths to avoid these exposures. Other triggers can be more subtle for some but still uncomfortable.
Science and Symptoms
Brain scans show that people dealing Social Anxiety suffer from a hyperactivity in the Amydala. The Amydala is responsible for physiological chnages assosciated with the fight-or-flight response, which mobilises the body to respond to threats — real or imagined. So its the first responder to conflict basically. The Amygdala triggers an avalanche of symptoms to do with anxiety including: rapid heartbeat, rises in blood sugar and a freezing of the brain which impairs the brains ability to think or reason normally. Thanks Social Anxiety!
When one experiences a surge of anxiety, mental focus shifts to the Prefrontal Cortex— who’s job it is to calm our reactions by assessment. Then. rationally and calmly, if no threat is present, is supposed to send signals to the Amygdala to diffuse its anxiety response. But, in people dealing Social Anxiety, the prefrontal cortex actually does the opposite, amplifying the activity of the Amygdala. Therefore, sufferers develop such a fear of others reactions because the Prefrontal Cortex is turning healthy conflict, or even social interactions, into legit threats. And furthermore, no amount of rational or self reflection can soothe these fears when reacting or even sometime thereafter.
Fortunately however, brains can be reprogrammed to form new circuit connections at any age. With the help of CBT therapy and self-soothing measures, people dealing Social Anxiety can retrain their brains to react more rationally and reflectively during social sitiuations that hold no danger. And move past self beliefs and world views that are not their own and were formed through caregivers, including parents, failures.
Treatment.
Undiagnosed and untreated Social Anxiety is a devastating and very painful condition that can disturb daily life. Even when undisclosed, people with Social Anxiety can find it difficult to accept, motivate and ask for help to treat their anxiety.
But Social Anxiety is highly responsive to treatment, people dealing with the condition have had great results and acheivements in the short, and long term when treating their Social Anxiety.
While medication is an option, psychotherapy is the core to Social Anxiety treatment. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) in particular has been found to be the most affective against Social Anxieties most disabling symptoms, and is almost always recommended by Mental Health Professionals.
Most treatment for Social Anxiety takes place on a patient basis (a patient who receives medical treatment without being admitted to a hospital). But people who have grown to be frustrated, or worse, can go to retreats or stay in mental health facilities — where all the focus is on on recovery. Whatever that means for that person a recovery is a very personal and perceptual thing.
In residential programs, or in facilities, CBT and other essential services will be offered in a compassionate patient-centreded environment. Peer interactions are also avaialable and included in residential Social Anxiety recovery programs, giving people dealing Social Anxiety a unique and important opportunity to connect with others who face similar challenges — and understand the diffculties of overcoming them. Again, Social Anxiety is spectrum so this type of treatment is not neccesary for some.
Do’s And Don’t when dealing with Social Anxiety
Do
- Integarate meditation in to daily life — Even if it is just a few minutes a day. It doesn't have to be an intense session. Just purposeful.
- Be open to or begin therapy — You won’t regret this and you can take it at whatever pace you want to.
- Identify your triggers — The first two Do’s I’ve mentioned will help with this but journaling, online quizzes, introspection will help also. You probably already know them.
- Journal — This is the best way to get feelings out of your head and into your view by way of eyesight. Like I mentioned at the start, rumination is a key, and harsh, part of Social Anxiety, and journaling can put thoughts into perspective and make them less noisy.
- Challenge Negative Thoughts — Watch Ted Talks, do research, find out if you have a negative voice and how loud it is. The more you know about yourself the better. Here is a favoutite Ted Talk of mine https://youtu.be/teVE3VGrBhM.
- Find a self-soother — This can be walking, reading, journaling, meditation, talking to your social network about it, exercising, cooking. Whatever it is, as long as its healthy, find your thing and practice it.
Dont’s
- Negative coping strategies — If you’re self-medicating with alcohol or drugs, being abusive to loved ones, eating poorly, sleep is few and far between, never exercising or leaving the house, particularly isolating yourself — please don’t do this as your recovery will be harder. People love you and want to see you fit and well.
- Ignoring Symptoms — This leads on from the last point, but if you find yourself doing this due to reacting to your social behaviour or being too hard on yourself, consider being open to something being in the way of your success. And all that is, is awareness.
- Don’t end relationships due to Anxiety — Ground yourself in reality. People Social Anxiety obviously have a hard time socialising, but don't let that ruin your chances of having a fulfilling social life. You deserve it and people deserve to get to experience you.
- Don’t Isolate — I touched on this but isolation is the worst way to deal with Social Anxiety. Sitting in-doors all day or being alone with this rumination and negative self-talk is incredibly self-destructive and very painful. Get out there and talk, best to a therapist — not everyone needs to know what you’re dealing with and you don’t need to label yourself.
- Black and White Thinking — Black and White thinking is an incredibly destructive form or self-talk that consists of either having someone as a friend, or an enemy — with no in-between. Now this is just an example, but this thinking can bleed into many areas of life: health, relationships, friendships, perceived reputation, work performance, your wardrobe. That last one was a joke but the list does go on. There is always positives and negatives to everything, don’t let your anxiety suffocate life of positivity and light.
