Become your Greatest Version.

What is a Greatest Version?

“To be the best version of yourself, you need to live with no regrets. You need to get out of your comfort zone, take risks and fail — yes, fail — so that you can get back up again and succeed. Stop telling yourself what you “should” do and start doing it.” — Tony Robbins

Above is a quote by Tony Robbins, who, if you don’t know, is an American author, life coach, speaker, philanthropist, and modern self-help guru. He has been active since 1977 and has built an incredible life for himself and millions more. He said “best version”, but I’m saying Greatest Version.

I use his quote because he embodies becoming your Greatest Version. Yes, he’s famous, but he’s famous because he is the Greatest Version of all areas of his life, including his work-life, health, spirituality, and financial life. I will get more into that later, but the point is, he embodies what becoming your Greatest Version is. And being it. We are fortunate that he has also chosen the life coaching role he has.

Why you should become your Greatest Version.

There are thousands of examples of people achieving their own Greatest Versions. I’m not going to give personal examples, but acclaimed athletes, writers, educators, high-level businesspeople, comedians, etc. The list is endless, but the point is, and the reason why all those examples I used are famous, is that they have achieved the Greatest Version of themselves.

However, your Greatest Version doesn’t have to lead to fame, fortune, or lots of sex. It is a personal journey/experience; hence it being your Greatest Version. Whatever your Greatest Version looks like, it is most likely a version of you that seems to be out of reach, but by putting in some groundwork for just as little as a week, you can reach that place, control all the parts of your life you want to improve, and become your Greatest Version. And with consistent administration, you can do this for the rest of your life. Life is now, become happy, enjoy it, and keep it.

What to focus on when become your Greatest Version.

Now that you understand what becoming your Greatest Version is and why you should do it, here’s my breakdown of how to become it. I have broken it down into seven different categories: Health & Wellness, Psychological and Anxiety Management, Spirituality and Emotion/Personal Growth, Hobbies and Enjoyment, Social Life, Attractiveness/Relationships, and Work Life and Finance. The order doesn’t matter; these areas are all as important as each other.

Disclaimer: This is a very detailed version of becoming your Greatest Version, and it’s slightly personal to me. This is not a bad thing, but there may be things you don’t agree with or that may trigger you. If this is the case, don’t let it sway you from becoming your Greatest Version. Just know that clearly, you have self-awareness and a better idea of how you can become your own Greatest Version.

Plan of action.

You’ve probably noticed that this article is said to be over a 90-minute read. But here’s what I want you to do. There are instructions on how you should go about getting the best out of this article for you and what’s necessary for you to become your Greatest Version. So, please scroll down past all of the seven different categories I have previously mentioned below and find the (*) at the bottom of the article. This is where you’ll find how to get the best out of this article for you.

Health & Wellness

Exercise in the morning

According to studies, exercise creates better blood flow to the hippocampus region of your brain — a region that’s crucial for your memory. This translates into better working memory and focus, making you more productive and efficient. Physical activity also clears your mind and delivers a rush of oxygen to your tissues, which helps your organs work more efficiently and gives you more physical energy.

While the science is always important, exercising in the morning will not only wake you up and get you ready for the day, but it will also give you a sense of achievement at the start of the day. The beginning of the day is crucial, so this achievement will set your day right. Pat yourself on the back too; it’s not easy to get up before you need to. Start your day right.

Healthy Eating

A well-balanced diet provides all of the: energy you need to keep active throughout the day. nutrients you need for growth and repair, helping you to stay strong and healthy and help to prevent diet-related illness, such as some cancers. — NHS Forum.

This is very profound, and sometimes it’s only believable when you start. This is because many of us have never optimized our diet. However, there is a direct correlation between eating healthy and feeling good mentally. Our bodies and minds are part of a system, and if we keep our bodies healthy, the mental side of our system will benefit too. Additionally, the energy we get from healthy eating will make it easier to act on mental wellness activities.

Optimise your sleep.

For adults, getting less than seven hours of sleep a night on a regular basis has been linked with poor health, including weight gain, having a body mass index of 30 or higher, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, and depression. — Mayo Clinic

Sleep is one of the most underrated and disregarded parts of keeping a healthy mind and body. It has numerous physical health impacts, affects focus, and is linked to depression. Sleep is one of, if not the most important parts of life.

Personally, what is most notable for me is that being tired can be destructive when it comes to our social lives. Tiredness can lower our empathy, sense of humor, and control of our emotions, which can be detrimental to social connections, a crucial part of our lives. Not getting enough sleep can lead to poor choices and ultimately, depression. It is important to prioritize and get adequate sleep.

Routines/Empowering Rituals

Going back to successful athletes, they will have incredibly intricate and specific routines and generally have rituals such as positive affirmations or ways of doing things before game time. Why not apply this approach to our own lives? By having a routine in the morning, we can give ourselves meaning, challenge ourselves, and start our day strong, giving our minds the best way to prepare for the day ahead.

Psychological and Anxiety Management

Get Sunlight

“Getting sunlight in your eyes first thing in the morning is absolutely vital to mental and physical health. It is perhaps the most important thing that any and all of us can and should do in order to promote metabolic well-being, promote the positive function of your hormone system, get your mental health steering in the right direction.” — Andrew Huberman, Ph.D.

Even if it’s just 2 minutes in the morning, exposing yourself to sunlight can benefit you enormously. Take a moment while you make your coffee, or do whatever it is you do, to get some sun in your eyes and soak it up.

Start Journalling

Journaling is incredibly important when keeping your mind in a non-chaotic state. By writing down your thoughts and feelings of the day, you can view them from a place where you’re not suffocated by them, but rather above them. This is a metaphorical way of looking at it, but in all seriousness, you won’t feel as though you are being controlled by your thoughts. When you write your problems down, you’ll realize that there aren’t as many or as big as you once thought.

Giving your mind a chance to breathe by getting your thoughts and feelings on paper once a day can have an immediate impact on your mental clarity.

“Journaling is mindfulness in motion.” — Lisann Valentin, a Shamanic life coach.

Celebrate Small Wins

From a neuroscience perspective, our brain’s pathways are responsible for our behavior and patterns of behavior. Therefore, if you set small goals and achieve them, celebrate them. This creates pathways, possibly new, resulting in behavior. This is due to the dopamine released in your brain when celebrating your achievement. The best part is that if you do this enough, achieving even the biggest goals in your life will no longer require a lot of effort or be unenjoyable. Instead, your brain will recognize that achieving.

Erase trauma

This is easier said than done and is incredibly personal, but with the right support and guidance, you can rid yourself of any trauma you may be holding. Now, this topic requires an entire article on its own, but with the help of a trained professional, an open mind, and motivation, you can move past your trauma. If you had an unfavorable childhood or even something traumatic in adulthood, you may be subconsciously held back or harboring fears and emotions from that time. If left untreated, trauma can ruin lives.

To become your Greatest Version, you need to look at your life, accept things that were not right, understand how they are affecting your present moment, and move past them. For some, this may not be a significant hurdle, but for others, you may need to put in some work while on your way to becoming your greatest version. It will set you free.

It may take time and, ultimately, you may not be the exact same person you were before the experience. However, treatment and self-help strategies can help you process your experience, develop new coping skills, and find ways to move past the trauma. — VeryWellMind.

Understand your triggers

“The first step in learning how to deal with triggers is to be aware of the emotions you experience in response to something. Emotional triggers often arise from the five senses, so be aware of the things that you feel, hear, smell, taste, and touch, as these could lead to an emotional or behavioral response.” — Baton Rouge Behavioural Hospital

We all have unique quirks and behaviors that make us who we are. However, some of our behaviors may not be a choice, but rather an unconscious trigger that is set off. These triggers are often the result of past trauma. For example, if someone experiences anxiety when a friend leaves to visit their parents or travel, it could be a trigger for a fear of abandonment. This trigger may be linked to a past experience of a parent or guardian leaving too soon in their early life.

The good news is that these triggers are logical and consistent once they are understood. By identifying your triggers and working to understand them, you can slowly move past the beliefs and ideas that were set when you were not even conscious. This will help you react to what is actually happening in front of you, rather than reacting to past traumas. By doing so, you can have a fresh slate and live a healthier and easier life.

Understand your anxiety and learn how to live with it

If you have experienced a challenging early life, you may have developed some form of anxiety. Anxiety is a common experience and should not define you as a person. Similar to having a certain hair color, anxiety can be a part of who you are. There are many types of anxiety disorders, including generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, specific phobias, agoraphobia, social anxiety disorder, and separation anxiety disorder, among others.

It’s important to look within yourself with an open heart and gain a better understanding of yourself. If you are struggling with undiagnosed anxiety, it can be harmful to your well-being, so it’s important to seek help as soon as possible in order to achieve your Greatest Version. Remember, knowledge is power, and being aware of your anxiety can help you take control of it. You cannot fully enjoy your life if you are not in control of it.

Don't drown in your thoughts

Unexpected events will undoubtedly arise as you go through life. You’ll make errors, embarrass yourself, and that’s okay. Learn from your mistakes and setbacks, and be grateful for the progress you’re making.

If you’re feeling particularly overwhelmed or frustrated, a useful exercise is to ask yourself, “Are my thoughts helpful? How do they behave?” This can help bring a sense of peace as your mind doesn’t have an answer to your logic.

Remember that you don’t have complete control over your thoughts, of which you have around 50,000 per day, most of them being negative. However, you can control what you choose to focus on and think about.

“We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It’s a death trap.”
― Anthony Hopkins

Control your mind

Linking to the previous thought, controlling your mind is very much about understanding that you don’t have to listen to what your mind is saying, and in fact, you should not. The best way to do this is by understanding that you are not your thoughts, but your actions. You will get better at this over time by challenging your thoughts. Meditation and mindfulness can also help in this practice. The more frequently you do this, the easier it will become, until you do not notice these thoughts as much anymore.

By the way, every single human being on earth has negative thoughts or a negative voice, whatever you want to call it. It is a very common thing. Therefore, it is just how you react and control that voice.

“Kill the fake voice and find yours. I love you, now love yourself!” — Gary Vee.

The negativity bias

Once again, like most of the points discussed in this article, the negativity bias could have its own article. Therefore, after reading this article, it is recommended to learn more about it by exploring related articles.

However, the negativity bias is essentially our human tendency to focus on and dwell on the negative. We also tend to remember negative experiences more easily than positive ones.

Nonetheless, armed with this knowledge, we can overcome this bias. We can use strategies discussed in previous points, such as asking ourselves “Are my thoughts useful?” to interrupt negative thinking patterns. It is also essential to ask ourselves if there are any positive aspects to potentially negative experiences, and to acknowledge that experiences are never completely black-and-white.

Another way to become the best version of ourselves is to consciously cherish and savor positive moments, as our minds may not automatically prioritize them. By doing this regularly, it will become easier to focus on and appreciate positive experiences.

Don’t seek comfort

“Everything you ever wanted is on the other side of your comfort zone.” This quote is often used to encourage people to push beyond their comfort zones for great effects. However, when we see examples of confidence, we often only see the end results and not the efforts that led to them.

To understand the importance of stepping out of your comfort zone, it’s important to first define what the comfort zone is. It’s a place where you feel safe and comfortable, without pressure, anxiety, or stress. Initially, it may seem like a good place to be.

But why is it harmful to stay in your comfort zone? The key to personal growth is embracing fear and change. When we are comfortable, we are less likely to make changes and confront our fears. As a result, our lives become stagnant, with no progress or growth.

Learning about your fears and why you are staying in your comfort zone is essential, so make sure you make time for that. Regardless of what fear you have, the methods for pushing yourself out of your comfort zone are relatively similar. I say “relatively” because how people choose to act in order to succeed and strive in life varies from person to person. There is no specific method that you need to take to push your comfort zone. What matters is that you do it in a way that makes sense for you.

Remember, life begins at the end of your comfort zone. This quote makes more sense once you understand what your comfort zone really is and what comes when you begin to make changes in your life.

Love yourself

This is obviously cliché, but incredibly important. We are often our own biggest critics, and we may even think that because we are so critical of ourselves, other people will be equally critical of us. However, this is not usually the case. People don’t know us as well as we do, and they probably wouldn’t judge us for the same things we judge ourselves for.

What I mean is, if you don’t love yourself, it can be difficult for others to love you. By doing things that challenge negative self-image and becoming your Greatest Version, you will begin to love yourself more. This, in turn, will allow more love to come into your life in the form of friends, partners, or even alone time. We all deserve this, including you!

Additionally, getting to know yourself better is an important part of learning to love yourself. When you know yourself well, you can understand your behavior better and identify things you want to change. Knowing yourself and what you like will allow you to move in the direction that is best for you. So, take the time to love yourself by getting to know yourself better.

“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.” — Rupi Kaur.

Spend less time on social media

Social media is everywhere, and it’s a huge part of our day-to-day lives. It’s not going anywhere either. But do the benefits of all this connectivity and constant chatter actually outweigh the costs? Have you even considered what costs there might be in your life and career? Here are a handful of reasons why you should curb your constant phone use and start taking part in that old-fashioned thing we call the real world.

Studies show that people who spend a significant amount of time on social media experience increased anxiety and decreased self-esteem. Watching everybody else’s milestones and achievements fly through your feed doesn’t make you happy for your pals, it makes you unhappy about your own (seeming) lack of accomplishment. Are these people even your friends? Are you spending more time thinking about their goal-slashing and not worrying enough about setting goals of your own?

You may feel less lonely, or more like you are keeping in touch with all of your friends when you’re constantly all up on their social media, but it’s not actually getting you anywhere close to real, lasting, and close relationships with any of your friends. It’s just empty interaction. Your real, close friends are the ones you have actual conversations with — even on the phone or Skype if not in person. If your friends were to deactivate their accounts, would you still speak to them?

Social media is incredibly distracting. Maybe you find yourself doing something cool; instead of enjoying the moment and being present, you’re mostly thinking how to get the perfect photo and how to phrase the perfect post. You’re starting to see the world in virtual, filtered form, rather than experiencing it. Or worse — you’ve lost touch with your life because you feel most alive when online. Or the least bored. But every hour you spend on your phone is another hour of life you’re missing out on. Think what you could accomplish in all of that accumulated time!

Social media is a known poison for the mind, so addictive and destructive. I’m not saying you should go teetotal, but certainly limit your time, and don’t go on it just before bed or straight away in the morning. And by the way, YouTube is a form of social media — crazy right! Just stay away from electronics in general for periods of the day, and being in nature has proven health benefits for you so get out there instead. Super important!

Do some shadow work

“The shadow is needed now more than ever. We heal the world when we heal ourselves, and hope shines brightest when it illuminates the dark.” — Sasha Graham

We all have traits that we’re proud of, and traits that we don’t feel so confident about. Some of these traits may trigger or embarrass us, so we hide them from public view. These parts make up your shadow self, and it longs to be heard.

However, it’s not always easy to come to terms with our shadow selves. Many people tend to repress those hidden parts of themselves to avoid having to confront that darker side. Even though the shadow still exists, it gets pushed back and forgotten.

But repressing your inner shadow can have dangerous consequences. Most often, the shadow manifests as our triggers — emotional reactions that we haven’t fully dealt with but bubble up to the surface under the right (wrong) circumstances. It takes training, self-awareness, guidance, and courage to help you face your shadow self in a healthy way.

Your inner shadow is composed of parts of you that you subconsciously reject. The psychologist Carl Jung popularized the idea of the shadow self, or inner shadow. Jung defined the shadow archetype as the dark and emotional side of your personality or psyche. He also defined it as inferior or immoral, but this isn’t always the case.

Your shadow side can have a negative impact on your well-being when you ignore or reject it. This part of yourself craves to be understood and explored. This is because it was ignored and possibly shamed throughout your life. Even if it was less dramatic, we don’t feel mentally and emotionally at our best when our shadow is not integrated into ourselves, which is to say — when the shadow and self are far apart.

By accepting your shadow self, you can start to see how your thoughts and emotions influence your behavior. When you’re aware of this, you can take control and empower yourself to live life more deliberately and consciously. You can start to show up as your authentic self.

Just like getting to know yourself and what you like about yourself, leading to self-love, shadow work is not the opposite but just you looking into the more negative things about yourself. Now this is vital for personal growth and becoming your Greatest Version. By looking at the side of yourself that isn’t the most preferable, most likely linked to trauma and subconscious behavior, you will be able to drop and improve those parts about yourself, making you a better person. Shadow work is tough but super important.

Take care of your habitat

“If you can’t even clean up your own room, who the hell are you to give advice to the world? My sense is that if you want to change the world, you start with yourself and work outward because you build your competence that way.” — Jordan Peterson.

Your habitat and living environment are a physical manifestation of your mind’s order. If you have a messy room, you may have a messy mind. This may not be as important to some as it is to others, but it applies to everybody.

Additionally, waking up or returning to a messy environment can lead to a feeling of lack of control, discomfort, and even disappointment. Therefore, give your mind further peace by ensuring that your living space reflects how you want your mind to be.

Be conscious, be self-conscious. But don’t over do it.

“Even in social life, you will never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you’re making.”
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Consciousness is a valuable trait to possess, as is self-awareness. However, it’s important to remember that balance is key in life. It’s helpful to be mindful of what you wear, how you groom yourself, and how you want to improve your social life. But, when you become overly conscious of these behaviors and desires, it can become an obsession and lead to rumination. Overthinking can lead to self-criticism and excessive analysis. It can be counterproductive to spend too much time thinking about your actions, as it can interfere with taking action itself.

Here’s the solution: strive to understand how you want to present yourself and how you will likely be perceived, and then move on. Give yourself a break from constantly analyzing your every move. Enjoy the present moment and allow others to witness your genuine consciousness. Savor your interactions with friends and those around you. Like everything else in life, too much or too little of anything can be detrimental. In the case of consciousness, not enough or too much of it can be harmful.

Find a healthy balance with your consciousness and liberate yourself. It’s important to look inward, but don’t forget to look outward as well.

Self-esteem

Self-esteem is your subjective sense of overall personal worth or value. Similar to self-respect, it describes your level of confidence in your abilities and attributes.

Low self-esteem can affect nearly every aspect of life, including your relationships, job, and health. But you can boost your self-esteem by taking cues from mental health counseling.

Once you’ve learned which situations affect your self-esteem, notice your thoughts about them. This includes what you tell yourself and how you view the situations. Your initial thoughts might not be the only way to view a situation. Ask yourself whether your view is in line with facts and logic. Or is there another explanation?

Instead of resisting or being overwhelmed by negative thoughts or feelings, accept them. You don’t have to like them. Just allow yourself to feel them. Negative thoughts don’t need to be controlled, changed, or acted upon. Aim to lessen their power on your behavior.

Understanding that self-esteem is something that we can improve on by working on ourselves and not looking for outside influence is incredibly powerful. Hence the “self” in self-esteem.

The truth is, you cannot control how a person feels about you, but you can control how you feel about yourself. And if events occur that cause you to question your value, remember that if you can’t control what has shaken your self-esteem, then it has nothing to do with you. For example, rejection is something that is not always personal, unless it’s completely obvious. So if you find yourself shaken by people’s reactions to you, ask yourself, “Is this something I can control?” and “Does this rejection mean I am not worthy?” Because I assure you, just because something doesn’t go your way, that doesn’t mean other things aren’t going very well. Be confident in yourself and you’ll stop caring so much about what other people think of you.

Work on your confidence

Confidence is a feeling of trust in your abilities, qualities, and judgment. The American Psychological Association defines self-confidence as “a belief that one is capable of successfully meeting the demands of a task.”

Contrary to common belief, confidence is not an innate trait that cannot be improved. In fact, there are many things you can do to naturally enhance your belief in your abilities.

It’s natural to compare yourself to others, whether it’s how you look or your career achievements. However, this social comparison is unlikely to boost your self-confidence and may even have the opposite effect.

Self-compassion is an important aspect of building confidence. Treating yourself with kindness when you make mistakes, fail, or experience setbacks allows you to become more emotionally flexible and navigate challenging emotions, which strengthens your connection with yourself and others.

Don’t put things off until you feel more confident, such as asking someone on a date or applying for a promotion. Facing your fears head-on is one of the best ways to build your confidence in these situations.

Being confident in yourself feels good and can bring many benefits in your personal and professional life. Achieving things will also bolster your confidence. Start by doing things you’re good at and telling yourself that you’re good at it. Acknowledge your achievements, even the small ones, and allow yourself to enjoy the satisfaction of accomplishing them. Over time, you will build evidence of your abilities and develop a mindset that you can achieve more challenging goals.

Positive Affirmations

Positive affirmations, like those used by professional athletes such as “Nobody is better than me,” “I’m the greatest,” or “This is my day,” can literally make those things happen. Your subconscious mind cannot differentiate between truth and fiction, so you can use this to your advantage and program your mind to believe what you want or need.

After consistently repeating affirmations that focus on what you want to be, have, or are, your mind will start to believe them and give you a newfound confidence you may have never experienced before. Affirmations can be a game changer.

“Positive affirmations have been shown to reduce negative thoughts, as they allow you to become more aware of your thought patterns and feelings. This, in turn, makes it harder for negative thoughts and feelings to take form or hold merit .”— Wellspring Centre for Prevention.

Be great, not perfect. Using compassion.

“Our beliefs create our world. But unfortunately, sometimes our beliefs are not our own. Like most of us, you’ve built at least part of your identity on others’ expectations. The process of internalizing others’ values was unconscious, and bringing it to consciousness is the essence of learning how to be the best version of yourself. Your vision for who you want to be must be yours — no one else’s” — Tony Robbins

Perfectionism is a vicious form of self-abuse. Unfortunately, this thought process is usually born through trauma, a parent who put too many expectations on you, or was never able to be pleased. Seeking perfection is a never-ending process that only brings disappointment.

Find out what is good enough for you by setting goals, engaging in self-introspection, and practicing self-love. Throw out values and expectations put on you by others, and live the way that makes you happy. Nobody should tell you how to live. And the most important thing is that nobody is perfect, not even your parents, role models, or favorite movie characters. The best we can be is the Greatest Version of ourselves. Find out what that is and live it.

Remember, the more compassion you have for yourself, the more you’ll have for others around you. And the less you judge people, the more they’ll feel safe around you and enjoy your company. Make sure you’re being kind to yourself. The world is harsh on its own, don’t make it worse for yourself. Offer yourself unconditional love and receive the same back from loved ones. Don’t be a judge, scream with joy and happiness in the crowd. Be a part of the gift that is love. You deserve it.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” Psychic News Daily.

Spirituality and Emotion/Personal Growth

Meditation

“Meditation can give you a sense of calm, peace and balance that can benefit both your emotional well-being and your overall health. You can also use it to relax and cope with stress by refocusing your attention on something calming. Meditation can help you learn to stay centered and keep inner peace.” — Mayo Clinic.

Meditation is no less than a drug, but not the regular destructive type, nor an upper or downer. Meditation is a centering practice. Being centered means having a reference point or a place to come back to when life’s challenges and emotions get too overwhelming. And as we know, feeling peaceful is pretty useful in a chaotic world.

Meditation is like hitting the reset button. After a stressful day, a bad night’s sleep, or just a lack of motivation in a moment, meditation allows you to be mindful of what’s going on around you. Giving your mind a moment of peace, regeneration, and focus, after as short as 3 minutes, meditation can switch up a bad moment. And the best thing is, meditation results are immediate. Yes, immediate.

Bonus: those of you who are insomniacs, meditation helps make it much easier to get a good night’s sleep. And we know how important that is in becoming your Greatest Version.

Be present

There’s nothing less beneficial than living in the past or the future. Some may disagree with this, and I certainly have in the past. Questions like “Why did this happen? I just want to fix what happened back there” or “But I want to be successful and need to plan for the future” come up. However, dwelling on the past or constantly thinking about the future can cause you to miss out on the present moment, which is where success is built. It’s the journey, not just the destination.

Regret and disappointment can arise when we look back on our past, but it’s important to remember that we were doing the best we could with what we had at the time. These experiences and feelings can motivate us to become our Greatest Version. By focusing on becoming our best selves, we can live a life without regrets.

Balance is key when it comes to thinking about the past and the future. It’s okay to consider the future, but don’t dwell on it too much. Similarly, it’s okay to reflect on the past, but don’t stay there too long, or you may miss out on making your present the best it can be. Enjoy the present moment, and the past and future will fall into place. It may be hard to believe, but it’s true.

“Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, but Today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.” — Master Oogway.

Get yourself into therapy

Therapy is so much more than sitting on a couch. Misconceptions abound about what it means to talk to a mental health professional. The need to talk about your emotions is seen as something to poke fun at, weak or shameful. That stigma is often why people don’t seek help in the first place.

But here’s the reality: Therapy is an incredibly useful tool that helps with a range of issues, from anxiety to sleep to relationships to trauma. Research shows that it’s incredibly effective in helping people manage mental health conditions, and experts say that it’s worth it even if you don’t have a medical problem.

This could be a new career, a new family, or moving to a different city. New ventures are challenging, and it’s normal to need assistance with that. “You can work with someone with a neutral perspective to identify goals and to develop a plan to achieve them,” Folgelberg said. “Therapy often involves the development of skills and strategies to reduce or manage life stressors.”

Suicide and self-harm are completely preventable with treatment by a licensed professional. If you’re thinking of hurting yourself immediately, seek help right away through the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or the Crisis Text Line.

Many people who deal with mental health issues feel like they’re singular in dealing with their experience, according to licensed master social worker Nancy McCorry, who works at the University of Michigan’s Addiction Treatment Services. Group therapy could help with this, or even just having a medical professional recognise the validity of your emotions.

“When you enter therapy, you get the immediate sense of relief that you are not alone,” McCorry told HuffPost. “Your problem is well understood and shared by others. This can bring about a sense of both comfort and hope.”

Therapy will allow you to work through things that you need to, or maybe even didn’t know you needed to. People think that therapy will just make you sad, or even worse, but it actually does the opposite. Going into therapy gives you the mental space and awareness for the necessary change. And it will definitely aid you in becoming your Greatest Version.

It’s important to find a therapist that works with you because your therapist will become an important person in your life and possibly, in my case, a friend. The relationship you will develop will become supportive and positive, and we all deserve a relationship that offers this.

Connect with your inner child

Like most of these points, this definitely could have its own article. But we move.

Everyone has an inner child but many of us subconsciously sever the connections when we transition into adults. When our needs aren’t met as a child, the inner child becomes wounded and the resulting patterns of behaviour can impact our self-esteem in adult-life, leading to unfulfilling personal relationships or the development of self-destructive life patterns. — Zoella.

Now, this is a very profound process, and we are incredibly lucky that this information is now out there for us to consume and create better lives with. And it’s just that, connecting with your inner self will lead to a better life, your Greatest Version.

If we have a wounded inner child, we will exhibit behaviors and project feelings onto others who have simply nothing to do with them. Because, and this is quite blunt, the way you react is completely your fault. And yes, some people are difficult, but I’m not talking about those people. I’m talking about creating opinions or expecting behaviors from people you simply don’t know. Or thinking a person feels a certain way about you without evidence.

All of these types of behaviors are your inner child basically defending itself from pain, pain they experienced as a child. Abandonment is a good example as your inner child was so wounded by the abandonment that when a similar situation or feeling happens, the inner child remembers and reacts.

Healing your inner child is like giving yourself a chance to see the world for what it is and to stop being on the constant defensive. And remember, attack is just another form of defense. This is why some people are so tough or even mean because they expect that behavior from others, even when it isn’t the case.

It’s like being in a constant habit of reading books by the cover. Give yourself a break and open them up, and what you’ll find is peace, love, and just a nicer life experience, especially socially.

Believe in something

“Before we can begin to take massive action towards our goals we need to create the mind-set that will give us the motivation, discipline and mental ability to carry us through to their completion.” — workhardplayharderblog.

Now, this is something that I’ve found to be incredibly beneficial. What is the point of all this? Why are we here? What is our purpose? Well, believing in something can help you better understand that unknown and uncontrollable part of life. And as we know, control is comforting.

Stop. I’m not saying you need to start worshiping Jesus and God — the King of Kings, or Judaism, Buddhism, or the like. But just something: karma, manifestation, rationalism, peace and love, something, anything. Make something up, but just believe in it.

The reason why this is important is because it gives you another perspective on life, something bigger than you. And neuroticism isn’t good enough. For example, Karma gives you a purpose in doing the little things. Picking up a piece of litter, helping an elderly person across the street, or even just being friendly to people as you walk into work. These small acts are you just putting good energy out into the world. And in Karma, what you put out is what you get back, so if you get on the right side of it, you can only win. Where there is meaning, there is purpose, and where there is purpose, there is meaning.

Use higher thinking

Also known as critical thinking, higher thinking is the practice of evaluating information without reacting emotionally, allowing for a more rational decision-making process. Practicing higher thinking allows us to act in the most appropriate way in any situation, by connecting with our higher self. The higher self is an eternal, omnipotent, conscious, and intelligent being that represents one’s true self. By accessing your higher self, you can act in a way that you won’t later regret.

Self-conscious and even neurotic people have an advantage when it comes to accessing their higher self, as they have already been constantly speaking to and narrating themselves. By switching your conversation and thoughts to your higher self, you can gain the answers and feedback you truly need, rather than succumbing to your self-indulgent ego.

It’s important to recognize that there is no split between you and your highest self. You are one and the same, always connected. By acknowledging this, you can experience many external benefits, but the true reward lies in the internal journey. Techniques like meditation and therapy can be used to unlock the power of higher thinking, but it can feel uncomfortable at first due to the ego’s resistance to relinquishing control.

“The higher self, also known as the Self, is our inner guidance that is separate from our personality.” — Athena Laz, author and dream guide.

Begin manifesting and/or visualising

You cannot become your Greatest Version if you do not believe it’s possible or cannot envision yourself actually becoming it. This is where manifestation or visualisation comes in. The more you can imagine and get closer to what you really want, the stronger your connection with it will be. By being connected with it, you will start to consciously and even unconsciously move towards it.

Famous comedian and actor Jim Carrey is the embodiment of this phenomenon, and he firmly believes that his belief in this is the driving force behind his success. Watch this clip of him explaining his experience: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v01DPgeIEuY. Say what you want about him, but he’s definitely the Greatest Version of himself in this moment.

Furthermore, research has shown that positive thinking, one of the core concepts of manifestation, can be beneficial to your overall mental well-being. It can lead to lower instances of depression and better coping skills during stressful situations.

Manifestation can help with everything from career advancement to mental health and even your personal relationships, if that’s what you want.

“Manifesting is a practice that benefits literally every area of your life because it empowers you to become the very best version of yourself that exists, embody the person you most want to become, and help you to unlock the infinite potential that you have to create the life of your dreams. “ — Elle.com

Procrastination

Procrastination is the act of unnecessarily postponing decisions or actions, and it’s a common problem that can cause many issues, like missed opportunities and increased stress.

To stop procrastinating, start by identifying the smallest possible step you can take to make progress toward your goals, and try to start with just that tiny step. Give yourself permission to make mistakes during the attempt. For example, if you need to write an essay, start by writing just a single word, while accepting that it won’t be perfect and might even be quite bad at first.

In addition, you can make it easier for yourself to get started by preparing your tools without yet trying to start working, and also make it harder to procrastinate by removing distractions from your environment.

You can sit down with the intention of only writing a single sentence on your thesis, or go to the gym with the intention of working out for only a few minutes. Two popular criteria for deciding what’s considered a “tiny step” are the 2-minute rule and the 5-minute rule, which involve committing to those specified amounts of time.

If you’re writing a paper, accept that your work won’t be perfect, especially when it comes to the first draft, and remember that you can always revise your writing afterward. This can be particularly beneficial if your procrastination is driven by perfectionism. In that case, you should also set reasonable goals and standards for yourself, ones that are attainable and good enough.

Procrastination can cause stress in all areas of life, which is why it’s important to move past it. Once you know tactics to stop the rolling effects of procrastination, you can begin to shape your life. There is science behind procrastination and specifically links to celebrating small wins. So check out that point in this article. You can do this!

Adopt a growth mindset

A growth mindset is the series of beliefs people hold about themselves; their self-perception. This mindset is the belief that you can develop your skills and talents through hard work, the right strategies, and guidance from others. A growth mindset is just another arrow in the quiver. There is a common comparison, growth mindset vs fixed mindset. The opposite of a growth mindset is a fixed mindset. While the latter is focused on self-improvement and development over time, a fixed mindset is essentially the belief that abilities are innate and fixed from birth.

So, if you are stuck in a fixed mindset, what hope have you got there? What’s the point in doing new things or challenging yourself? With this mindset, not only do you not believe you can improve, but you simply don’t have the ability to. Adopt a growth mindset and unlock your potential. We are all powerful beings, unlock yours.

Your mindset is usually, like most things, born from your childhood or your caregivers. Use your higher thinking and understand how you want to think and what you want to achieve, even if you thought it was impossible for you before, including becoming your Greatest Version. Open your mind and realize your potential.

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow; learn as if you were to live forever.” — Mahatma Gandhi

Sit down, be humble

Humility is the ability to view yourself accurately as an individual with talents as well as flaws while being void of arrogance and low self-esteem. — Verywellmind.

Humility allows us to move away from being self-obsessed and self-focused. If we are constantly focused on ourselves and proving how great we are, it can come off as insincere and unattractive. Instead, allow people to see you for who you are, and if you are truly great, they will see it. Don’t show off all your best qualities at once; leave some for later.

Furthermore, humility can help develop a more profound and evolved outlook of the world and what is happening in it. It enables you to recognize that while you bring worth to this world, there are others who also have a purpose. It does not take anything away from you, but it does give your peers the credit they deserve.

Participate in conversations, but do not make them about yourself. It is crucial to take pride in your achievements and actions, but avoid boasting about them. Ask others about themselves, get to know them, and what they have accomplished. You will find that there are other amazing, cool, and funny people out there just like you.

It is essential to note that humility is not synonymous with compliancy. Holding people in high regard does not mean that you must allow them to walk all over you. Always stand up for yourself and what you believe in, and do your best no matter what. The point of humility is that you do not have to make someone feel worthless while doing so. However, this does not mean becoming a pushover.

Be positive

Positivity is the starting point for putting energy in the right place. Without positivity, life can feel almost unmanageable. Being positive is incredibly healthy as it allows you to see all the good things going on in and around your life. With positivity, life becomes sweeter and more enjoyable. It’s not just about looking at the things that are attached to your life, like relationships and even yourself, but also seeing your actions and opportunities and what is good about them.

Positive thinking doesn’t mean that you ignore life’s less pleasant situations. It simply means that you approach unpleasantness in a more positive and productive way. You think that the best is going to happen, not the worst.

You can learn to turn negative thinking into positive thinking. The process is simple, but it does take time and practice. You’re creating a new habit, after all.

If you have had a negative view, or even currently do, life may seem out of your hands and unbearable. But by practicing positivity, your life will start to feel a little bit more in your control, and you’ll be able to change your life in the ways you need to in order to become your Greatest Version. This includes the previous points made in this article.

“Whenever you see darkness, there is extraordinary opportunity for the light to burn brighter.” — Bono

Have patience

We live in a time where everything can change at an accelerated pace. There is no protocol for a time like this, no wisdom upon which to rely or set a course to follow. If ever there was a time when we should show patience, it would be now, right? After all, we’ve never done this before, and we can’t expect to get it right the first time. Sadly, too many of us do the exact opposite. We hold ourselves and others to unrealistic standards, beat ourselves up for not doing it well enough, criticize ourselves for lagging behind too long, and expect not to feel natural, human emotions.

We all want to feel or be better as quickly as possible, an understandable goal in our achievement-driven world. The common misconception prevails that if we push ourselves, we will drive ourselves towards reaching our goals. This is simply incorrect.

When we are impatient with ourselves, we reject parts of who we are, judge ourselves harshly, and speak to ourselves unkindly. Do thoughts like “I should be used to this by now,” “I can’t get anything done,” or “I’m so exhausted all the time; there must be something wrong with me” sound familiar?

This lack of patience blocks change because we deny ourselves support and knock ourselves down. This leads to a lack of motivation to keep trying, and we end up stopping before we’ve really ever started.

Think for a moment how you would talk to a child when learning something new. You would likely offer this child encouragement and support while passing off mistakes and errors because this is how kids learn and grow. So, why would you speak to yourself any differently?

Change isn’t easy. Quick fixes reside mostly in theory, and lasting change takes time. We will experience challenges, and we may even go backward at times. Long-term success includes small steps in the direction of your goal. With calm, controlled perseverance and loving kindness, you will achieve whatever you’ve set out to do.

Having patience for yourself is the same as removing judgment but puts a more personal touch to it. Everyone has a different trajectory for improvement and also how much they need to change to be their Greatest Version. While it’s important not to use this as a way to put off your growth, it’s important not to rush it. Take the time you need and build up in a sustainable way. Your Greatest Version is a lifestyle, and you need to find the way it will fit into yours.

Focus on you

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” ― Oscar Wilde

Another way of saying “don’t compare yourself to others” is that focusing on yourself is not an act of narcissism or neurosis but a healthy form of self-consciousness. By focusing on yourself, you can see yourself and the world according to your own beliefs. Not comparing yourself to others means that you don’t feel inadequate or superior, as you will be content with the attention you give yourself and choose to be happy with yourself without needing to compare yourself to others. We never compare lions to bears, both animals are mighty and amazing in their own way but they are still very different. Work with what you have and be grateful for it.

If you want to stop comparing yourself to others, first determine when envy arises. Is it when you’re scrolling through LinkedIn or your Instagram feed? Or maybe when you hear your best friend bragging about a salary increase? Use these observations to learn about yourself. Then make a list of whom and what you frequently envy or compare yourself to. Write down how these feelings negatively impact you, and why they are a waste of your time. Resolve to become more aware so that you can catch yourself in the future. As you become more self-sufficient or improve your self-esteem, you’ll see no need to compare yourself.

Remember, there will always be someone more attractive, intelligent, or successful. The key is to know the unique value of what you bring to the table. Whenever you focus on what other people have that you don’t, you give away your power. Keep your power, let others be, and just focus on what you’re doing. You have control over yourself, so take charge.

Be willing to shed you’re old identity

When you determine to find your ideal self, you’re essentially raising the bar — for yourself and the people you know. Your “old self” will resist this due to feelings of insecurity and fear of the unknown. Resist the urge to cling to the familiar — the identity that’s been holding you back — and embrace a can-do attitude. — Tony Robbins

The text above is pretty much all you need to hear on this subject. As humans, we are creatures of habit. Our ego is no pushover, and it’s not easy to switch up your behaviour. But it’s necessary. And if you want to become your Greatest Version, you’re going to need to level up.

Killing off the old you is the first step. Then it’s about putting the reps in to become reborn as the new you. What you say and what you do needs to line up perfectly — you walk the talk, practice what you preach, and follow through on your words. Prove to yourself you can, because what are you if you can’t keep promises to yourself?

It doesn’t need to be anything too intense or jerky — it certainly could be (maybe should be). But in some cases, maybe you just need to improve the areas of your life that you feel or know are necessary. It can be as simple as dressing the way you want to or changing belief systems. All of this is undoubtedly possible. You just have to decide to sacrifice the version of you that is no longer functioning the way it needs to. The key is to not be soft with yourself, be a warrior of self-improvement, and reap the rewards. It’s time for an upgrade.

Reject the old, limiting story you’ve been telling yourself, and embrace a new, empowering story about who you are and what you are capable of.

Drop the ego

I’ve already mentioned the ego several times in this article, as it is present in many of our behaviors, thoughts, and actions. It can be an ally, but it can also be our greatest enemy.

The ego is defined as a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance. Therefore, the ego can contribute to feelings of pride and accomplishment in our achievements and keep us in a positive state of mind during times of uncertainty. The ego can definitely be a positive thing in certain situations.

However, if we live through our past accomplishments or thoughts about ourselves, we are not present in the moment. This is known as being egotistical, which is generally considered negative, while having high levels of self-esteem is positive. So, what’s the difference? An egotistical person’s sense of self-worth is driven by external factors, primarily feedback from others. A person with high self-esteem’s sense of self-worth is determined by internal factors such as passion, belief, or personal vision.

Often, a person will remain in a bad relationship because their ego won’t allow them to accept that their judgment of their partner’s character was wrong. This is common when a person is being cheated on. The ego is bruised, and we can’t accept that we are less attractive or desirable than our partner’s mistress. The same applies to life situations. If we hold onto beliefs like we’re just unlucky or have been treated unfairly and deserve more, we won’t progress. We will stay in our ego and just grow more jealous, resentful, and bitter.

Remove your ego and live a more balanced life with room for new experiences and moments. You can do this by using meditation, which allows you to connect to your higher self and drop the ego that has been disguised as protective but is really just lazy and a crutch.

“Love is happy when it is able to give something. The ego is happy when it is able to take something.” Osho

Have balance

“Achieving good mental health is all about achieving a good balance in your life. When your work, relationships, and self are attended to, then your well-being and personal satisfaction is maintained.” — Dr John Sharry, Silver Cloud Health.

One of the most important benefits of finding mental balance is that it allows us to regulate our emotions effectively. When we are mentally balanced, we are able to experience a full range of emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them. This allows us to respond to situations in a measured and appropriate way, rather than reacting impulsively or emotionally.

Moreover, maintaining mental balance can improve relationships. When we are emotionally stable and able to effectively spread our time and focus, we are better able to communicate with others and build strong, healthy relationships.

The key here is that everything is important — everything. Your health and wellness, psychological and anxiety management, spirituality and emotion/personal growth, hobbies and enjoyment, attractiveness and relationships, social life and work life, and finance are all equal to each other. You just need to maintain all of them using balance, and life will become a lot less heavy.

Hanging out with friends a lot? Make sure you don’t neglect your self-care. Constantly working? Don’t overlook doing the things you enjoy and engaging in play. Been really into your self-improvement and growth? Don’t forget to remember that you are worthy of love and happiness in any state.

Hobbies and Enjoyment

“Having a hobby that we enjoy brings us joy and enriches our lives. It gives us something fun to do during our leisure time and affords us the opportunity to learn new skills. We are very fortunate to have so many different options out there today. In fact, there are entire websites devoted to hobbies and interests.” — Skilled At Life.

Have hobbies

Hobbies make us more interesting. People who have hobbies have experiences and stories that they can share with others. They also have knowledge that they can teach to anyone who also has an interest in the same topics as they do.

Engaging in hobbies can also improve your confidence and self-esteem. The odds are that if you really enjoy an activity, you are usually pretty good at it. Any activity that you can excel in is an opportunity for you to build your confidence and develop pride in your accomplishments.

Hobbies are a way to not only be interesting to others, but also to yourself. It’s easy to spend all day scrolling through social media, and there’s nothing wrong with social media, but it’s all about balance. Having something to focus on, challenge you, and help you see progress in yourself, while potentially making friends, is something we should all take advantage of in life.

Write on Medium

Writing on Medium is incredibly beneficial for me. It’s essentially an analysis of what I would put into my journal. If I’m pondering and asking myself questions like “How do I become my Greatest Version?”, writing on Medium allows me to research, write, and absorb information about that topic.

Start cooking

Cooking is an incredibly rewarding skill to have, and also a very fun hobby. Cooking allows your creative juices to flow and helps you gain more knowledge about food. Additionally, being able to cook up tasty meals for your friends, family, and love interest can be a great source of pride and joy. If you can cook, it can be a game-changer for your relationships and social life, regardless of your gender.

Reading

The greatest entrepreneurs read. Reading is a daily habit that will make you smarter, happier, and healthier. It’s also good to take a break from the dopamine-infusing technologies we have in our lives these days. Taking a break from the screen and looking at the page can help you relax and unwind.

Learn a language

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has said that he learned Chinese for three reasons: to communicate with his wife’s family, to study Chinese culture, and to challenge himself. Learning multiple languages improves the brain’s executive function, which encompasses everything from memory and reasoning to problem-solving, planning, and execution.

Play a musical instrument

Warren Buffett plays the ukulele. Larry Page played the saxophone growing up. Scores of other entrepreneurs and business leaders have learned an instrument growing up or still play to this day. There’s no denying the link between playing music and achievement.

Exercise

Arguably, one of the more important items on this list, exercise brings a wealth of positive effects to your everyday life. According to a 2017 study, exercise creates better blood flow to the hippocampus region of your brain — a region that’s crucial for memory. This translates into better working memory and focus, making you more productive and efficient.

Exercise also makes a big difference to your long-term health, helping to prevent chronic health conditions such as type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure. Additionally, it has extremely high mental health benefits, and having a healthy body doesn’t hurt either. Remember, healthy body, healthy mind.

Whatever you want

You don’t have to engage in any of the hobbies mentioned above as they are just some of the most highly recommended ones out there. Whatever it is that you choose to do, whether it’s playing video games, photography, gardening, sewing, or yodeling, make sure you enjoy it and give yourself time to get into it. Nobody becomes a master in a day.

It’s recommended that you have two hobbies when striving to become your Greatest Version, as you don’t want to spread yourself too thin or commit to things you won’t have time for. Choose a couple of things and focus on them.

Social Life

Love others

“If you always let yourself love others, you’ll get back more than you give.” — Bookroo.

Regardless of your age, gender, sexuality, or physical and mental health, you and everyone around you needs love and affection. There’s a reason receiving love and affection feels so good. It’s a phenomenon that happens at the chemical level, with the release of oxytocin, or the “love hormone.” Affectionate behaviors, such as holding hands, hugging, or having sex, elevate your level of oxytocin. This, in turn, encourages bonding, reduces pain, and creates an overall calming sensation.

Giving love is every bit as critical as receiving it in our quest for happiness. Think about how wonderful it feels to be shown and told that you are loved. Your partner deserves to experience that too. Expressing your love and affection motivates them to continue doing the same for you. What better way is there to demonstrate your commitment, dedication, and loyalty?

Loving others and not just seeking out and focusing on flaws will have a mirror effect on yourself. If you practice this and even unconditional love, you give yourself this too. And it feels great to be able to have an unconditional appreciation for yourself because we’re all just human, and we all deserve to have love in our lives. Like everything, love starts from within and feels great to give it to others too.

Give and accept help

“When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.”
― Maya Angelou

When you help someone else, you get a positive feeling in return. For the person you’ve helped, they also feel good thanks to your action. This creates a strong sense of belonging and connection between you. In communities where kindness and altruism are valued, people are more likely to feel safe and happy. The opposite is also true. In communities where no one helps each other, there isn’t as much social connection.

Helping others activates the reward centers in your brain, which improves your self-esteem. Helping others is also a practice of humility and can help you remove your ego. Some people may feel like nobody helps them, but often, they are too afraid to ask for help or expect others to read their minds. In life, giving leads to receiving. Therefore, making the first step to help others can create a positive cycle where you receive help in abundance.

Listen

Not only does listening enhance your ability to understand better and make you a better communicator, it also makes the experience of speaking to you more enjoyable for other people.

It shows maturity and respect for the speaker or other parties involved in the conversation. Constantly interrupting without listening never leads to a meaningful and enlightening conversation.

Communication is the basis of any relationship. Active and effective listening helps with communicating, and as a result, leads to better relationships and friendships.

Listening and talking less also shows that you are a high-value person. Presenting that you don’t always need to be talking or in control allows people to see that you have things going on in your life and that you’re happy to enjoy them on an individual level. Sometimes less is more. Also, it feels great to be asked questions, and people love to talk about themselves. So give people the opportunity to do that, and you will definitely be someone who people want to be around. Not to mention, everyone hates someone who is constantly talking, especially about themselves.

“The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand.
We listen to reply.” ― Stephen R. Covey

Be good, not nice or bad

“When we are nice to others, we generally lose all claim to their respect.”
― Marcel Proust, Jean Santeuil

The above quote may be confusing for some, after all the people-positive information I have given. But remember, life is about balance. We all know people who are just nice all the time and constantly seeking approval, never speaking up for themselves (also known as people-pleasing) or demanding the respect they deserve and continuing to get walked all over.

There’s an amazing idea by Jordan Peterson which goes, and don’t quote me, like this: “Nice people are not nice.” The reason why they are not nice is because by letting people walk all over them, they are actually being uncaring towards themselves — or not nice. Also, being overly nice is just plain manipulation. The reason we people-please is because we want to please people, no matter how they treat us or how they are. We are simply wanting their approval. By putting on blinders to people’s poor behavior, of which there are many, we are not showing who we really are and just morphing into what will get them to like us. Which is manipulation!

So, being too nice is not nice, because you’re not being caring towards yourself and manipulating others for your own benefit — their love. But there is a way to win here. Be good. A good person is still giving love to others and being a positive person to be around, but simply knowing that they have equal value to those around them. Being good doesn’t require morphing to those around you or needing acceptance. Being good is the practice of knowing what you need and, to the best of your ability, giving others what they need too. By having boundaries, which are one of the keys to a fulfilling social life, you will keep yourself happy and not let yourself be taken advantage of, which feels like shit.

And finally, being bad, which obviously isn’t useful at all. If you have experienced a bad person, it’s usually because they are just hating themselves and projecting that onto others. Once you know bad people have nothing to do with you when they attack you, you’re set free. So don’t be a bad person. It’s not great for others around you, especially yourself.

Respond not react

Much of our lives are spent reacting to others and events around us. The problem is that these reactions may not always be the best course of action, and as a result, they can make others unhappy, make things worse for us, and make the situation worse.

We often react without thinking. It’s a gut reaction, often based on fear and insecurities, and it’s not the most rational or appropriate way to act. Responding, on the other hand, is taking the situation in and deciding the best course of action based on values such as reason, compassion, and cooperation.

The main thing to learn is mindfulness and the pause. Mindfulness means watching ourselves when something happens that might normally upset us or trigger some kind of emotional reaction. Pay close attention to how our minds react, then pause. We don’t have to act immediately just because we have an internal reaction. We can pause, not act, and breathe. We can watch this urge to act irrationally arise, then let it go away. Sometimes that takes a few seconds, other times it means we should remove ourselves politely from the situation and let ourselves cool down before we respond.

Watch the reaction go away. Now consider what the most intelligent, compassionate response might be. What can we do that will help our relationship, teach, build a better team or partnership, make the situation better, calm everyone down, including ourselves?

It is so easy to make bad experiences or moments our experience of that day or even the entire experience. By practicing mindfulness in these moments, you will help yourself realize that the conflict or situation you are experiencing is not always personal to you or doesn’t need to be something you absorb at all. Take a moment and respond how you feel is best and will not regret. You’ll live a much better life this way and it’s a good indicator of you being your Greatest Version.

“Respond; don’t react. Listen; don’t talk. Think; don’t assume.” ― Raji Lukkoor

Trust until you can’t

“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”
― Ernest Hemingway

There are just a few elemental forces that hold our world together. The one that’s the glue of society is called trust. Its presence cements relationships by allowing people to live and work together, feel safe, and belong to a group. Trust in a leader allows organizations and communities to flourish, while the absence of trust can cause fragmentation, conflict, and even war. That’s why we need to trust our leaders, family members, friends, and co-workers, albeit in different ways.

Trust is hard to define, but we do know when it’s lost. When that happens, we withdraw our energy and level of engagement. We go on an internal strike, not wanting to be sympathetic to the person who we feel has hurt us or treated us wrongly. We may not show it outwardly, but we are less likely to tell the formerly trusted person that we are upset, to share what is important to us, or to follow through on commitments. As a result, we pull back from that person and no longer feel part of their world. This loss of trust can be obvious or somewhat hidden — especially if we pretend to be present but inwardly disengage. And those who have done something to lose our trust may not even know it.

The truth is, people are disappointing. Sometimes you will stop hearing from someone, be ghosted, or be shown disrespect for no apparent reason. This happens to everyone, and you have probably made someone feel like this too. The fact is, this usually is not a personal thing, although never, even knowing this, feels good or is easy to manage. The process of trust is easier if you let people into your life who are going to be trustworthy as friends. So when making friends, see how they treat their other friends or show you love, and you’ll get a good sense of if you should trust them and rely on them for support.

Staying with this, and this is not easy, trust is a beautiful thing, so try and trust as much as you can. Because mutual trust feels good. And remember, you teach people how you treat you, so if you’re feeling like you can’t trust a person, ask them why they are acting the way that is making you feel this way. This is a good way to know if you should continue to have them in your life or not as if they respond well, they respect you and want your presence and trust. If they react badly, step back and protect yourself from their poor social skills. Battling with this, especially when you are deep into the friendship, is very painful.

“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

Ignore and avoid gossip(ing)

One of the most venomous, hurtful, and dangerous activities you can engage in is also one of the most common, named gossip. Let’s say you share something (usually negative in gossip) about someone. Would you be ashamed to say it in their presence? If so, you’ve stooped to gossip. Gossip is verbal poison that seeks to defame and discredit others.

You may think your words are harmless, but remember you are planting seeds of opinion about someone in another’s heart. Those seeds take root in a subtle and powerful way, and their roots spread out to others. Before you know it, these weeds of gossip choke out all that is good, ruining reputations.

The person you’re speaking with may seem delighted to hear the “news,” but you can be certain their opinion of you is diminished. They’re thinking, “If this is how he talks about his friends, then I don’t want to associate with him.” The nature of gossip means that you’re breaking confidences, or you’re spreading lies. Either way, it tarnishes your character.

There are no positives to gossiping. It is simply an act of verbal violence that beats someone down and makes them look weak. Would you like that? Do you think that is something you could come back from? Gossip comes from fear. If you are gossiping, ask yourself why that person is making you feel worse about yourself and weak. Gossip is a mirror, an old, dirty, and ugly mirror.

If you hear or are proposed some engagement in gossip, simply say “I’m not interested in that,” or even just remove yourself from the situation. Avoiding gossip is similar to avoiding putting yourself in the middle of an argument. You don’t need that and it just makes you look like you need attention and your voice to be heard. The people who are gossiping too will take you down with them if it comes to that. So keep your power and get away from the poison.

“Be less curious about people and more curious about ideas.” ― Marie Curie

Not everyones going to like you

The moment you realise not everyone is going to like you is the moment you take back your power. — Outofstress.com

Most people crave social acceptance to some extent — it’s an intrinsic need we all have. But the problem is that this natural psychological need has turned into a toxic addiction in today’s society.

As we’ve covered, being a people pleaser, or too nice, is a one-way road to disappointment. It can sometimes lead you to be used and mistreated by others, and it certainly won’t get you the friends you want. If you never express your opinion and always agree with everyone, you come across as a person who has no voice, someone who doesn’t have a distinct personality and is just copying and following others. That’s why putting conscious effort into making everyone like you is pointless.

If you act fake or try hard to please others, you may manage to come across as a nice person. But such behaviors also leave you hiding your true self. It means that even if you meet “your tribe,” they won’t be able to recognize you in your “nice guy” disguise. If you are true to yourself and not trying to hide your personality from others, not everyone is going to like you. But the right ones will. No matter how blunt, aloof, or flawed you may seem, people who are the right company for you will still be interested.

The fact of the matter is, if not everyone likes you, then you’re probably doing something right. The world is now filled with fake and shallow people just looking to fit in. The savage thing is that there are more people like this than not. Meaning, if you do not sacrifice your own beliefs and values, then you won’t fit into this sad reality. And remember, this is just because so many people are not dealing with their insecurities and being introspective.

So when you accept the reality that not everyone is going to like you and just stay strong in yourself, you’ll be set free and find the people who will positively add to your life and allow your life to be fulfilling. Sometimes the easy road is not the right road.

It’s good to be independant, but not too much

At times, independence can be frightening because it places you in a position to accept responsibility for mistakes and failures and live with the consequences of your decisions. But responsibility is a key component of independence.

With independence comes a determination to accomplish goals and maintain forward motion. That determination is fueled by self-confidence and an eagerness to move beyond where you currently are. Independence allows you to plan, think creatively, and implement your ideas.

However, there are situations when the take-charge mindset hits a brick wall and independence must take a back seat to wisdom. Many struggle with accepting help and fight against changes.

The COVID-19 pandemic has shown us the importance of interaction and community. While independence is valuable, it can also be isolating at times. It’s important to avoid disconnection from those around us and maintain relationships. Independence that precludes relationships is a detriment to both you and others.

Independence can also lead to a need for control in your social life, which is not always healthy. If you’re experiencing feelings of a poor social life, it’s important to look inside yourself and understand why. It’s never them, it’s always you. By isolating yourself from others for a prolonged amount of time, you’re not only preventing yourself from having a social experience, but it’s also unhealthy.

While independence is a good thing for many areas of your life, make sure you’re getting out there and being social and giving and receiving love. This will not only make your life better, but it will give you more meaning. By making others feel wanted, they’ll make you feel wanted too. Additionally, having a support network or group of friends will make you less of a target for people looking to take advantage of isolated individuals, like narcissists.

“Being brave enough to be alone frees you up to invite people into your life because you want them and not because you need them.” ― Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

Don’t Peacock, be Human.

Another way to express the idea of not trying to impress everyone is to say that “peacocking” is just another form of people-pleasing and manipulation. But why should you stop trying to impress others? It’s because you know yourself better than anyone else. So stop trying to prove yourself to others just so that they’ll praise and appreciate you. As long as you know what you’re capable of doing, be content with that. Let go of all your negative thoughts and believe in yourself more.

If you’re trying to impress people and doing it for the wrong audience, you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. If you do it for people, you will depend on them for your reward and justification. Remember, you don’t live for other people’s approval. You live for God’s purpose in your life.

It’s not just the people you’re trying to impress that you’re lying to. You’re also fooling yourself. What do you really gain from trying to impress others? Is it worth it to make yourself look stupid just so you can get others’ approval and appreciation? If you think so, you’re lying to yourself again. You can make them believe you, but you can never lie to yourself.

By trying to impress others, you start doubting yourself. You become more aware of your imperfections and may even belittle yourself for not being the best. This can cause you to lose self-confidence and forget about the things you’re actually good at. You become too focused on what others think and say, rather than recognizing that while others may excel in some areas, you excel in others. People aren’t perfect, so it’s important to love your flaws.

Furthermore, by showing all your best parts right off the bat, you’re losing the mystery and intrigue that make you interesting. What’s the opposite of mystery? Boring.

Also, by constantly trying to impress others, you end up focusing solely on yourself and probably talking only about yourself. This is not attractive and will not help you socially. You may have done interesting things, but let people find out about them naturally. Don’t just shove them down their throats. Anyway, if a person doesn’t care to find out more about you, they probably aren’t worth having in your life anyway.

Before you do anything: think. If you do something to try and impress someone, to be loved, accepted or even to get someone’s attention, stop and think. So many people are busy trying to create an image, they die in the process. — Salma Hayek

Quit the judgement

“The self-righteous scream judgments against others to hide the noise of skeletons dancing in their own closets.” ― John Mark Green

Judgment makes you self-critical. The more you judge others, the more you judge yourself. By constantly seeing the bad in others, we train our minds to find the bad. This can lead to an increase in stress. Stress can weaken the immune system and cause high blood pressure, fatigue, depression, anxiety, and even stroke.

Despite our best efforts, we all judge others. It might be over small things, like a co-worker who took too long of a lunch break. Or it might be over bigger issues, such as a person who behaves selfishly or hurts our feelings.

Remember, we are more alike than different. When I feel critical of someone, I try to remind myself that the other person loves their family just like I do and wants to be happy and free of suffering, just like I do. Most importantly, that person makes mistakes, just like I do.

Sometimes, we may be judging someone for something that we do ourselves, or have done. For example, the next time you find yourself yelling at someone while you’re driving, ask yourself, “Have I ever driven poorly?” Of course, we all have.

Judging someone is just you projecting your own self-criticism onto others. Maybe because you have done it, think about doing it or have seen a parent do it that ended badly. Also, by you judging that person, what you’re doing is putting focus on them. And by you doing that all you’re going to do is become resentful. You’re not going to change a person, better yet you don’t need to, it’s not your responsibility. And if you try to, all that will happen is they will think you’re trying to manipulate them. Maybe your intentions are good, but people only see actions not intentions.

Make your life simple, do the things you need to do, and embody your values, leading to you not having to judge yourself so negatively. Additionally, stop judging others as there is literally no benefit, and you will feel better in yourself.

Don’t be a burden

Don’t be needy. One of the keys to being loved is not needing to be loved.” ― Margo Vader.

This is a tough one, especially for those who have dealt with difficult experiences and trauma, especially childhood trauma. Being a burden is another way of saying being needy or clingy. The more you feel like a victim or someone who needs help, the more you will seek that and sometimes label yourself as someone who needs to be supported.

Awareness is always the very first step to recognizing there is a problem. This is key in any life challenge. As you become more aware of your behaviors, you start the process of gaining greater insight into who you are as a person and understanding yourself better so you can make necessary and sustainable changes.

Take responsibility for the choices you have made or experiences that you have had (it’s not always your fault!) and learn how to embrace both negative and positive feelings that come with this when you put yourself in the driver’s seat of your life. Recognize how you became emotionally needy and what you want to do to become a healthier person. This will allow you to become more reliant on yourself and for your partner. The power is in the responsibility.

Becoming more self-sufficient will not only give you control over how you feel, but also give you freedom to have relationships that involve more mutual love and ability to be there for your loved ones. Also, people want to have at least a balance of fun and positivity in their social lives. By working on yourself, you’ll make it easier on the people who love you to have you in their lives.

Finally, being in constant need of support is not attractive. And yes, it’s important to have friends or loved ones who are able to support you, but don’t make it their role. Their job. Everyone is struggling. We all need support. You will, or maybe have, lose friends by being a burden and never a positive part of someone’s life (or a downer). You want to be able to support others and enjoy time with people you love. Don’t always make it about your problems; we all have them!

Understand everyone is struggling

“Quietly endure, silently suffer and patiently wait.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

Relating to judging others, your empathy towards others will soar when you understand that everyone is struggling with something in their life. Of course, this is a spectrum. Some are struggling more than others. But like a world economy, every country has currency and cash-flow, some have more capital than others. That doesn’t make them any less important; it’s just the way it is.

When you are reacting to a person, their behavior is totally out of your control, your energy, or reality. You have no idea why they are reacting to you that way. And what I mean is, people react differently, and that’s down to the capital of their struggle. So understanding that people who have a greater understanding of themselves and are more in a stable place emotionally won’t treat others poorly. Knowing this completely takes their power away and gives you the edge in knowing that they have decided, consciously or unconsciously, to act that way. And their amount of struggle equates to their level of malice or irrational behaviors.

People could be struggling with any number of things: financial problems, relationship struggles, parental pressure, simply being unhappy in themselves, mental health problems, etc. The truth is you don’t know; you don’t control it. All you control is how you are, what you do, and how you react to a person who is treating you a certain way.

In regards to yourself, if you are finding yourself reacting to or treating people badly, that has nothing to do with anyone else but you. The one thing you always have in life is a choice. So look inside and understand what you need to do to stop having such an internal struggle and fix it. Even the act of trying to will be good enough.

And in terms of you struggling and you are aware of this, if you are reacting to that struggle with a need for support, pushing people away, or even making your problems your identity, you need to realise that everyone is struggling, not just you. So stop being a victim and be there for others like they are for you, and best of all, be there for yourself and stop looking for an outside fix. Because, and accept this, there is no such thing.

In conflict, try to resolve it, and if its not possible walk away.

“Insecure people play with someone else’s feelings. Secure people respect the feelings of others.”
― Karon Waddell

Now, this is incredibly important as you can either make or break your entire reputation with this. In a rational conflict, either one or more parties have done something wrong. There should be a space created in order to solve the conflict and move on.

It’s not unhealthy that heated moments occur, and you say how you feel with no filter (to a respectful degree), but don’t let the conflict become verbally or physically violent. Now, when it’s all said and done, and everyone knows how everyone feels, there should be a moment where you can, at the very least, negotiate respect and be able to move on from the conflict without it continuing thereafter.

But if this is not the case, and the person seems uninterested in solving or moving on from the conflict, even enjoying it, walk away straight away, and accept that. You don’t get to control that person; if they want to continue it, that doesn’t mean you have to. As soon as you realize that, understand that you have done all you can and can’t let that energy be a part of your life.

It doesn’t matter how great you are in your profession or your personal life; there will always be someone who will be disappointed by you. Even if you don’t intend to make them feel negative, such jealous, ignorant, and negative people feel that way because that’s what they’re usually good at.

Those people are more interested in criticizing others, destroying their confidence, and ruining their reputation and lives. The reason they do all this is that they are secretly jealous on the inside as well as the insecurities they feel for being left behind.

Yes, you may not like it, nobody does, you may lose friends, but just remember, you going on the defensive after they reject your peace offering will just make you look weak. Stop focusing on it, don’t identify with it, forget it, and continue to be you. Because they may not like you, but that doesn’t mean they get to take your power away. Accept it and just move on yourself. You don’t want to stop your life just because they want to stop it. Let that person be miserable, probably deep inside, and get out there and be your Greatest Version.

“If there is one thing I know, it’s that with every great achievement in our lives, there is an insecure idiot hiding around the corner waiting to take a baseball bat to it.”
― Dan Pearce

Know your boundaries and put them in place.

“You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.” — Unknown

Healthy boundaries are the limits you place around your time, emotions, body, and mental health to stay resilient, solid, and content with who you are. These empowering borders protect you from being used, drained, or manipulated by others.

Personal boundaries are at the root of a fulfilled, balanced life. Without them, people can quickly lose themselves in their work, relationships, familial obligations, or service to others. They can even wind up being exploited or taken advantage of by people who do not respect them.

These borders help define what you are willing to say ‘yes’ to and what you decide to say ‘no’ to. They give you a sense of agency and sovereignty over your decisions. Good boundaries free you to live life on your terms.

Setting boundaries comes down to communication. Communicating your needs and desires is the most vital step toward defining your limitations and living a more liberated existence.

One of the biggest mistakes people make is setting boundaries in their minds but not openly sharing them with the people in their life. Sometimes people assume that you should know their boundaries. But if they didn’t clearly communicate where they’ve drawn the line, how will you know when you’ve overstepped it?

Not everyone will understand or respect your boundaries the first time. It’s essential to stand firm in your decision while kindly reminding them of your needs when necessary.

Boundaries are key to being your Greatest Version. The moment you realise you have a say in the way people treat you, because you really do teach people how to treat you. The minute you realize you don’t have to keep taking people’s shit. And if someone doesn’t respect your boundaries, after a few firm reminders, this person is not worth your time or respect. So detach emotionally and remember that’s their choice, not your shortcoming.

Give people the opportunity to treat you how to be treated and let them enjoy the benefits of treating you that way. As you will respond to them and love them a whole lot easier and more.

“No” is a complete sentence.” ― Annie Lamott

Believe in a fulfilling Social Life

Believe. The work that you will or are putting in will benefit you. If you have been struggling with a lacking, or even non-existent, social life, that doesn’t have to be the end. Done. Not trying. You can go from having no friends to having a good and healthy support network in a number of months with the correct attitude and approach, namely by becoming your Greatest Version.

Maybe you started life in an unfortunate situation, manifesting in anxieties, poor reactions, toxic behaviors, or whatever your crutch may be. You have something you can do about that, and the first step is to choose to have a fulfilling social life. I’m not saying it’s going to happen just like that, or be an easy thing, but you can definitely achieve it. And that is by having hope, belief, using all the possible avenues that you can, doing all the emotional and spiritual work you need to, and reading articles like this. Your behavior is your life. Your perception is your reality. Believe in having a fulfilling social life, and you will have it.

“Our self-esteem — be it low or high — has its influence on our thoughts, relationships, profession, and social life. When it is channeled in the right direction, you will find enough confidence to move out of your comfort zone and explore new possibilities.” ― Dr Prem Jagyasi

Don’t always be available

“Don’t force someone to make time for you, if they really want to, they will.” — Unknown

Is it fine to be available all the time? This question has mixed reviews, but people have proven that excessiveness of everything is terrible. Don’t take people’s behaviors to heart because no one likes attention all the time, and it’s essential to make yourself impressive for others rather than chasing them. Build a personality that helps people reach you for their own needs.

It’s not easy to say no to people, but learn this, because it will stop you from being available all the time. If you don’t want to go to any party or unable to do some tasks, then it doesn’t mean you are doing wrong with people but trying to help yourself.

Take a deep breath, and it’s time to ask yourself a few questions, such as do you have time to do this stuff for others? Why are you doing this so? Are you getting the same acknowledgment that you expected? If you don’t get any outcome, then it’s imperative not to show too much availability. It is harmful to our mental health as well because we keep on thinking after getting hurt. Save yourself as soon as possible.

Being a friend is similar to being in a relationship, just without the hopefully post-marital love with your Christian bride (a joke, of course) and without sex. It’s similar in the way that the more interesting you are, the more interested they’ll be in you. If you are a bit mysterious, there will be room for them to want to know what you’re up to. And if you spend time alone and become your Greatest Version, people will want you around because you’ll be interesting, useful, and fun to be with. Rather than just someone who’s at the beck and call, it’s hard to respect and want someone’s time when they clearly don’t respect their own.

“Never be too available to anyone, no one will care about your feelings.” — V Swetha.

Be relaxed and move slow

“The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.” — Sydney Harris

Without a balance of productivity and relaxation, you can harm your body, as well as other aspects of your life. Relaxation is not only enjoyable but can also help you mentally focus better and manage stress levels.

Mental health is strongly linked to relaxation; however, it is not the only aspect that can be improved by relaxation. Physical health and wellbeing can also be enhanced and improved by sufficient amounts of quality relaxation.

Meditation and relaxation are some of the best ways to unwind after a stressful day. What makes meditation and relaxation so important is that they do not require you to do or think of anything outside of what is in your control.

Depression and anxiety have become significant concerns in our society. Relaxation and mental health wellbeing are important to combat these issues.

Not only does relaxation have numerous benefits for you individually, but it also benefits you socially. If you are able to relax and move with a certain lack of energy, you will allow others around you to feel at ease and enjoy your company more. Also, moving slower has proven to present high-value status. So don’t be in a rush because soon, everyone else will be to get away from you.

“Act the way that you want to feel.” — Gretchen Rubin

Have some fucking fun

Nobody likes a killjoy, but the same is true for people who are simply dull. You don’t want to be a person who is constantly fighting for an invite or watching from the sidelines. The best way to have fun experiences is to be fun yourself.

Now, I’m not saying you have to be James Brown, but I am saying you need to at least make others feel positive in your presence. Ask fun questions, pull pranks, make a fool of yourself, take risks. All this stuff, although maybe weird and uncomfortable at first, will become more natural, and you’ll have a good laugh looking back at it.

The thing is, when you’re not having fun, you’re probably thinking about how and why. Well, honestly, get out of your head for once and just do something. Watch your other friends who make you feel great to be around. What do they do? I know they may have had an easier home life, or whatever your excuse is, but by becoming your Greatest Version, you will be able to have fun too.

People value good experiences, and if you can make, or even just add to them, then you will go up in everyone’s books. Having fun is a great way to improve your social value and just your social life in general. Do some research and soul-searching and find out how you can add some fun to your life and the lives around you. In the right circumstances, of course, you don’t want to be at work and make an inappropriate joke or pull a prank on your boss. Pick your moments.

You deserve to feel the thrill of having fun.

Attractiveness/Relationships

Here are a few things that you can optimize to make the best of what you’ve got. I am not an advocate for plastic surgery and believe that putting in the work and knowing you look good is more than enough to be attractive and attract a potential partner.

Cut your hair — make sure you’re not neglecting your mop. Not only is it slightly unhealthy for your hair, causing frizziness and split ends, but it also makes you look like you don’t care what you look like. Which is okay, but with balance again, get yourself a cut, and people will respond to you better, and you will feel better about yourself.

Smell good — smells also impact your mood and productivity. Smelling good can leave you feeling happier, motivated, and fulfilled. As you go out into the world, the fact that you smell great will have a positive influence not only on your life but also on the lives of all the people who are in close contact with you. In regards to finding a partner, nobody likes B.O to be the odor in the air. And get this, smell — or scent — has been proven through experiments to be the #1 factor for women when it comes to selecting a potential partner. And high on the selecting factors for men too.

Dress well, or at least with confidence — when something is important, you take time to care for it. Every time you take the effort to dress well, you are subconsciously telling yourself, “I matter, and that my life is important.” If you struggle with self-doubt, being too critical with yourself, etc., dressing well can be a good way to combat this. When you’re undeniable, you’re undeniable.

Also, in partner selection, dress sense and style evoke a sense of how a person is and how they feel about themselves. So if you dress well and feel good in your outfit, you’ll attract more potential partners to you or at least have a better chance. Your dress sense is the first thing people see, so make sure you’re not setting yourself up for failure.

Skincare — it’s important to take care of your skin as it helps it look more youthful. As you age, your skin cells regenerate less frequently, which means your skin can start to show signs of aging, which in this world is not attractive. Using high-quality skincare and having skin treatments help promote clear and glowing skin. When you use good skincare products, you remove dead skin cells that regenerate into new cells that have you looking and feeling your best. People like to look at clean and healthy skin, and you can easily go to the shop or go online and pick from thousands of treatments and products today.

Have good posture

“Posture reflects your attitude.” — Unknown.

Having good posture is essential for overall health, as it can help you avoid muscle tension, pain, fatigue, and various other ailments and medical conditions. Moreover, it offers many benefits, including reduced back pain, increased energy, and greater confidence.

Maintaining good posture also enhances physical appearance and attractiveness. People tend to look taller and slimmer when they have good posture, and it can even make abdominal muscles appear more defined. Additionally, good posture can boost energy levels, reduce pain, and increase self-esteem.

Therefore, straightening up your back can improve not only your physical health but also your mental and emotional well-being. You can practice good posture by sitting up straight, keeping shoulders back, and aligning the ears, shoulders, and hips in a straight line. Regular exercise, stretching, and ergonomic workspaces can also help improve posture. Straighten your back up to straighten up your life.

Be on time

“Never leave to be on time to be on time.” — Unknown.

Arriving on time can highlight your trustworthiness and reliability as a friend or partner. Consistently being punctual can also help show that you care and value the other person(s) you’re meeting with. Being on time is a sign of respect, so make sure you take it seriously.

If you’ve made plans with friends, turning up on time is a way of showing that you care. You want to spend time with them doing something nice, planning a fun trip, or perhaps helping them through a breakup. Getting to the right place at the right time shows that you’ve made the effort to be with them or support them.

If you’re in a relationship, showing up on time also sends your partner the message that you’re still interested and invested in spending quality time with them. Being late shows that you don’t prioritize them and could lead to more issues further down the line.

Give complements

“It is a great mistake for men to give up paying compliments, for when they give up saying what is charming, they give up thinking what is charming.”
― Oscar Wilde

As we’ve learned, giving is beneficial to both you and the receiver. Thus, giving compliments can increase your happiness. Research shows that you can reliably increase your personal well-being by engaging in random acts of kindness toward others, and paying a compliment is one free and easy way to do this.

In relationships and love interests, compliments show that you are taking notice of the other person and appreciate their efforts and their presence. If you like something about them, go ahead and let it be known.

However, don’t just start throwing compliments out there without thought. If your compliments are not genuine, the receiver will know, and you will know you’re a phony too. It’s bordering on manipulative to over-compliment or kiss up.

It’s important to give genuine compliments; otherwise, they can just seem needy and creepy. With relationships and love interests, compliments show that you are taking notice of the other person and appreciate their efforts and their presence. Let them know what you like about them, but keep it PG and don’t go into overkill.

Be nice about your ex

One-upping your ex in conversations or conflicts does not create or restore independence from the relationship you had, nor does it make anything better. It is easy to think that if you get in one last word, you would feel like the stronger one. However, the harder you try to look better by using clever words or sassy comebacks, the less clever and respectful you will be. It will only make you want a dialogue with them to say your bloated remarks, making the healing process longer.

The moment you choose to believe that you are safe and remember that you were okay or at least functioning before your ex, the faster you will notice the really beautiful things in the world and have space for yourself, controlling the things you can control. Revenge is nothing but a preoccupation. It’s a distraction, and it’s a waste of time.

As we’ve discussed before, speaking negatively about others or gossiping is only poisoning yourself and your environment. If you’re with a partner or potential partner and you’re spewing hate about your ex and all the bad things they did, you’re just going to look like a bad person yourself, resentful and bitter. People will think, “I don’t want to be with them, they seem a bit intense, or will just bring problems into my life.” Start as you mean to go on, or just don’t even talk about it — it’s history.

“Some people don’t realize what they have until it’s gone, but that does not always mean they are supposed to get it back.” ― Stephan Labossiere

Don’t talk about money

Everyone has a different set of responsibilities. There are car payments, car insurance, health insurance, prescription costs, rent, internet bills, grocery expenses, gas bills, credit card payments, gym membership fees, and the list goes on. You never know what expenses someone has to pay for and what they don’t. Maybe their parents pay for their groceries or their landlord doesn’t charge for utilities. Who knows, and who really cares?

Similarly, not knowing what financial struggles someone may be going through is important to remember. Financial instability can lead people to make decisions that they don’t want to discuss with others. Therefore, there is no need to discuss financial standing with anyone unless it is absolutely necessary.

Most people don’t want to discuss their financial situation because it can be frustrating to work so hard, sometimes in a field that is not even their desired profession, without seeing the monetary results they were hoping for.

Furthermore, if you are fortunate enough to be in a good financial position or have worked hard to get there, it is important to avoid constantly flaunting your wealth or being crass about money. Doing so only makes you look arrogant and materialistic, which is not the most important aspect of life. Love and compassion towards others is more important than money.

“Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that.” — Norman Vincent Peale.

Be humble

“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.”
― Criss Jami

As we’ve discussed, it’s important to stay humble because having humility not only helps you develop a kinder approach to interacting with others, but it also influences how you perceive yourself and the world around you. Most would consider humility the antonym of pride and may associate pride as a negative trait to possess. However, pride is not inherently bad. It comes from being proud, and there’s nothing wrong with being proud of yourself or where you come from.

However, when pride becomes extreme, humility is absent and a person may exhibit selfish or narcissistic behavior. In the context of the Attractiveness/Relationships section, it’s important to note that peacocking, or making others see how great you are, is not an effective way to attract potential partners. Instead, it’s best to let your confidence and pride come out naturally without forcing it onto others and hoping for a positive response, as that can come off as arrogant and ego-driven.

Partners, especially potential ones, appreciate confidence and pride, but when it crosses over into arrogance and ego-driven behaviors, it’s a major turn-off. And if someone does like that behavior, they’re probably materialistic and shallow, and likely won’t be a good partner in the long-term.

Be careful who you pick, or who picks you

It’s better to use the logical part of our brain to determine whether the other person is right for us to make a suitable long-term partner than to feel our way to this decision. Of course, what we feel is essential, and someone may be a great fit with all the important qualities that we are looking for, but if our body doesn’t react to them — no attraction, no chemistry, no “wow” — that’s also important information on which to base our decision. We need both heart and head to decide.

It is important to discover what kinds of friendships someone has had or currently has. The best sign is that they still keep a few of their oldest friends. Additionally, see if they’ve been able to take some responsibility for their failed relationships. Do they speak of past lovers in derogatory terms, such as “She was crazy” or “He was a total narcissist”? Occasionally it might be true, but most of us look pretty unappealing to the other at the end of a relationship, and it’s not usually the whole truth. Ask whether your potential partner tries to be fair-minded.

There’s no alternative for this. Yes, we are all only human, and sometimes people are very good at hiding their true selves or using a “mask.” But, like I’ve mentioned here, if you take time to really know if they’re right for you, by using your head not just your heart, you’ll succeed with this.

The fact is, a partner isn’t just someone you are sexually intimate with, but someone who will be, hopefully, a partner in your life. Good and bad. And if that person isn’t a good person or isn’t going to add positivity into your life but problems, that’s worse than being single, if you struggle with being single.

This choice, just like the choices you make with all the other main topics in this article, will make or break your life. So don’t shy away from doing a bit more analysis than you have heard of doing before reading this — it’s important.

“A stranger can become soul mate, but just as quickly a soul mate can also become stranger. Have patience to enjoy, or endure.”
― Amit Kalantri.

Show high value

Have a purpose. Having a purpose is about having personal standards and a desire to constantly improve upon your skillset. A high-value partner with a purpose understands their successes, works to improve on flaws, and consistently demonstrates good personal standards.

Make sure to keep your own goals in mind and maintain your individuality even when in a relationship. This doesn’t mean being selfish and putting your own needs before others all the time. It means recognizing that you are sufficient alone and don’t need someone, but rather choose to be with someone. There’s a difference.

Set standards for yourself and communicate them to others. If you don’t like the way someone is behaving, let them know why it’s not vibing with you. You know that you don’t have to put up with nonsense if you don’t want to. Having boundaries, even in romantic relationships, is very important and is a great sign that you have high value.

Honestly, becoming your Greatest Version will naturally put you in this category. Someone who is interested in you doesn’t want to become a caregiver or someone to lean on. They want to have fun and be a part of your exciting and interesting life. So become those things to be a high-value partner.

“Work on being so in touch with your sensuality until your presence is of such high value that you can’t be half-loved, rationally considered, or lived without… ever.”
― Lebo Grand

Take care of you body

“Physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body, it is the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity.” — John F. Kennedy

It is important for those in a relationship to have similar lifestyle priorities. For example, if his or her priority is to lie on the couch all weekend, and yours is to be outside doing something active, there might be a problem. And vice versa. When you already know that you and a potential partner have similar priorities with regards to lifestyle and health, it sets you up for a win.

When two people in a relationship are active and fitness-minded, they can find new activities to do together. This contributes greatly to keeping the relationship from getting boring. Plus, it has been proven that experiencing something new together activates adrenaline and releases endorphins, creating memories and deepening a couple’s bond.

A relationship is a vehicle in which people can grow to become their best selves. Lots of times, this is through pain, such as becoming aware of and healing our emotional triggers and vulnerabilities. But it can also be through active things.

So there are benefits to being active not only for you but also for you as a partner. And let’s not beat around the bush, people (generally) are more attracted to a healthy body. I’m not saying you need to be Arnold Schwarzenegger, but make sure you’re at least happy with the way you look.

Your confidence and self-worth will soar when you look the way you want to feel, and others will notice that. You’ll have more chance of finding a physically attractive mate too, which wouldn’t hurt. Your body is a temple, and make sure you’re keeping it in good shape. Otherwise, things likely won’t end up the way you want them to.

Personality is more important than your physical condition, but hey, like we know, you need balance. And this balance is a key to becoming your Greatest Version.

Be kind

“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.”

It’s easy (or easier) to be kind to your co-workers, friends, and acquaintances. But after giving all day at work, you are tired and want to “let your hair down” at home. And it’s not easy to keep the spark going and affectionate when you’ve been with someone for a long time. But remember, comfort is the enemy.

Kindness does not mean being weak, being used, or being a doormat. Kindness in a relationship means being generous, thoughtful, caring, compassionate, and supportive to your partner. Kindness is going out of your way to be helpful the first time your partner asks and not waiting to be nagged or reminded to do something a hundred times. Kindness is thinking of them and being selfless.

The major key to marital satisfaction and stability is kindness. Usually, when one partner is kind, it promotes kindness in the other partner*. Reaching out with an olive branch to create peace and harmony improves the wellness and security of relationships. Kindness is reciprocated.

Being kind has many benefits, but the best of it is that it will make your partner or love interest’s life better. You may be very smooth when it comes to attracting a partner, but if you aren’t kind, it will show, and you’ll just end up at square one over and over again. Be kind in pursuit or during a relationship, and you’ll be rewarded with the same back.

Understand your attachment style (and change it if neccesary)

Yes, changing your attachment style is possible, but it can take time and effort. Developed in the mid-20th century by psychoanalyst John Bowlby and psychologist Mary Ainsworth, attachment theory initially explored the bonds that infants form with their caregivers.

Three primary attachment styles have been identified: secure, anxious, and avoidant. Research shows that those with a secure attachment style are often physically healthier, closer with friends and family, and less likely to develop depression. Those with a secure attachment style approach relationships with openness, confidence, and respect. They’re comfortable with emotional and physical intimacy and can respond to their partner’s needs while also being able to express their own. Someone with a secure attachment style may know how to effectively manage interpersonal conflict and may not take things personally. Instead, they may prefer to work towards creating a caring, forgiving, and supportive relationship. They’re also not likely afraid of being abandoned, so they navigate their relationships with confidence and trust.

People with anxious attachment styles may work to meet their partner’s needs while often and repeatedly sacrificing their own. In a relationship, these unmet needs can lead to feelings of fear, jealousy, or unhappiness. People with avoidant attachment styles, on the other hand, may overly embrace their independence. They may actively avoid emotional intimacy and prefer not to form long-term bonds.

In some cases, this happens naturally. For instance, engaging in a relationship with someone with a secure style can help you become more secure in turn. One study suggests that attachment styles can become more secure over time simply because the older we get, the less time we have for relationships that don’t meet our needs or make us happy.

Choosing to take an active role in changing your style is often what helps the most. Your attachment style, like most, if not everything, can be changed. As we’ve learned, avoidant and anxious attachment is unhealthy and does not aid in your relationships and also in every aspect of your life. By choosing that you are done with constantly having trouble with connection and actively trying to change your attachment style, you can achieve this.

Having a secure attachment style will not only allow you to have more fulfilling and pleasant relationships and friendships, but it will also allow you to feel more at peace when alone or away from your connections. Choose to adopt a secure attachment style, and your social life will improve greatly.

Get yourself ones of those, hmm what are they called? Oh yeah, a sense of humour.

“Humor is the great thing, the saving thing after all. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations, and resentments flit away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.” — Mark Twain

Being funny is possibly one of the best things you can do for your health. You can almost think of a sense of humor as your mind’s immune system. People at risk for depression tend to fall into depressive episodes when exposed to some kind of negative stimuli, and afterward, it becomes easier and easier for them to relapse into depression. However, reframing a negative event in a humorous light acts as a kind of emotional filter, preventing the negativity from triggering a depressive episode.

Humor doesn’t just guard against depression. It also improves people’s overall quality of life. Researchers have found that people who score highly in sense of humor have better self-esteem, more positive affect, greater self-competency, more control over anxiety, and better performance in social interactions.

The biggest misconception about humor is that it’s black-and-white. You either are or not. But this is false. Yes, of course, some people are naturally funny. But people naturally have a lisp, a stutter, or even a stronger body odor output. Weird examples but they’re there on purpose. All these things are very unfortunate, but we are able to work on and fix them. Lisp or stutter? Speech therapy. Body odor problems? Shit loads of deodorant.

With all the information on humor, especially with YouTube, we have access to watching the funniest videos and comedians out there. Comedians, by the way, know best that humor is learned. They don’t suddenly become killers on stage; they work out what sense of humor they like and work on it to make others enjoy it too. Start pumping your comedy reps and check out some comedians and even videos on how to become funnier. The information is out there!

Rejection

If someone rejects you, it implies that they actively chose against you because of who you are. But according to Terri Orbuch, PhD, a research professor at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research and author of Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship, about 90 percent of the time, the rejection has more to do with the other person than with you. “If you think about it as their issue, you don’t really have to cope with it,” she says. And, as Wright puts it, “view this as happening for you, not to you.”

To reiterate: It’s probably not about you. To reinforce this idea, try thinking about the situation using what psychologists call “other-oriented blame statements,” such as “He wasn’t ready for a relationship” or “She didn’t get my sense of humor.”

“If you blame yourself,” Orbuch says, “that affects your self-esteem and mood, and how you feel about yourself going forward.” And that’s not good. Research shows that when people internalize experiences of rejection as part of their self-image, the impact lingers. When in self-doubt, remember that rejection has nothing to do with you as a person — it’s more about the other person not being the right match.

Rejection may also just happen more now since dating apps and sites make it seem like there’s an infinite pool of potential partners. ‘There’s the notion that you can always do better,’ says Orbuch. The point (again): It’s not about you. ‘If you can talk to your friends in the situation, you’ll realize you’re not alone,’ says Orbuch. ‘That helps you with depersonalizing it.’

Rejection has a sting that can harm you straight to your core. But, realize that it has nothing to do with you, and how it may be a good thing for you in terms of not wasting your time. When we get rejected, it’s important to tell remind yourself of this, disconnect from the ego-harming thoughts, and just accept it. You’ve probably been successful before, so remember those times and all the non-sexual love you have in your life, and you’ll remember that you’re not so bad. Rejection is not in your control and just a part of life, don’t identify with it, and move on.

Be someone you’d want to be in a relationship with

With all the information I’ve given here, if someone embodied most, if not all, of the points I have made to a certain degree that aligns with their Greatest version, you’re not exactly going to shoot them down. That’s just the truth. The people who you likely want to be in a relationship with have some of these qualities, and that’s what attracts you to them.

The thing is, again, the way you treat yourself and feel about yourself is the way you will impact the lives of others around you. So, if you’re having fun, being good, and having something to say, someone is going to want a piece of that. It’ll be up to you then if you want to go for it or not.

The thing is, as soon as you’re someone a person would want to be with, then you’ll be able to stop searching for it and will attract it. And that is a lot less work, and it will be a much more natural process. If you feel good, you won’t have to have the weight of your mask following you around and ruining the subsequent relationship you form due to a lack of consistency.

The key to healthy attraction and relationships is the relationship you have with yourself. Become your Greatest Version and pull, rather than push, potential partners away. And have fun while you do it. You’re loveable, let others see and get to experience you. But experience yourself first because the greatest love you can have in your life is the love you have for yourself.

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”
― C.G. Jung

Work Life and Finance.

Be smart with money

If you want to be smarter with your money, you have to know what you want to accomplish with it. Your financial goals should be written down and well-articulated. Know what your annual income and net worth are. You can use this knowledge to set big goals in your business and personal life.

Learn to save whatever dollars you can. You don’t have to save big at first, but saving is a habit that can be nurtured. When you are making a lot of money, your lifestyle could dull your senses about the need to save. However, if you can start seeing every extra penny you earn as a tool to paying off your student loans, personal loans, having an emergency fund, or investment account, you’ll understand how effective saving can be for you in the long run. It’s better than the short-term gains of spending your money now.

You can’t negate the power of surrounding yourself with people who can support you with financial advice and knowledge. Successful people who are high earners have the capacity to expand your thinking and boost your income. Most of the time, we become like the people we surround ourselves with. You will certainly improve your financial habits when you’re surrounded by people who are smart with their money.

Being smart with your money is not something you do; it’s something you are. There is a saying, “money doesn’t buy happiness,” of course, this is true, but not entirely. Money brings you opportunities and relieves financial and life stress. If you have a good safety blanket in your bank account, you’ll feel less trapped, which is a very toxic emotion.

Pick a life of less stress by not putting your finances in a bad state. There are numerous tools in life to do this now, and your network can also be a big factor. Start living with financial intelligence and watch your life improve.

“Too many people spend money they earned… to buy things they don’t want… to impress people that they don’t like.” — Will Rogers

Go the extra mile

Everyone goes through good and bad times, but when you are barely making it, the chances of attracting bad times are more probable. By going that extra mile, you can avoid that and succeed in the end. Putting a little bit of extra effort into your relationships, school, or work projects can benefit you a lot in the long run.

There are a lot of talented people in the world, and there are also a lot of people who work hard in the world as well. However, talent can be defeated through hard work, but what beats hard work? The answer is people who go the extra mile.

People are very observant, so don’t think that you are not being noticed. By going that extra mile, you are not only achieving success, but you will also inspire others during that journey. Stay focused on your work and your journey. Do not worry about inspiring others.

Keep your head down and work without expecting any praise from others. Your reward will be your success, and that will naturally inspire others. There is no better purpose in life than to motivate others to live a better life.

Going the extra mile will not only keep you in good standing in all of your outputs, but it will also keep you in good standing with your employers or customers. In a world where the general feeling is to just do enough, putting in that extra yard will open doors for you and put a smile on your face as well, I’m sure.

“Don’t just manage; go extra mile and win your race. Never give up the fight. You will win.” ― Israelmore Ayivor,

Discipline

“Self-respect is the root of discipline: The sense of dignity grows. with the ability to say no to oneself.”
― Abraham Joshua Heschel

Self-discipline is the ability to control your behavior in a way that leads you to be more productive and/or have better habits. It is proven to lead to increased success. Learning self-control and discipline early in life is helpful for decades to come, but it is never too late to learn how to improve your self-discipline so that your future can be better.

Wondering where to begin? Let’s break down how to become more self-disciplined step by step. You’ll begin by discerning how you work best — and worst — and by the time you get to the final step, you should see significant improvement in your level of self-discipline.

We all have ideas that motivate us, but it’s easy to lose touch with them. This is an opportunity for you to get in touch with your “why.” Your “why” is your reason for wanting to achieve self-discipline. Do you want to make lots of money? Help humanity? Save animals? Explore your big life goals on a broad scale so that you get back in touch with why self-discipline will benefit you, and why you need it.

Remember, you can only win if you don’t give up! Self-discipline can take some people their entire lives to master, so don’t be down on yourself if progress is slow at first. Keep at it, and if your goals all feel too big, make up some very easy small ones so that you can experience the feeling of success.

Self-discipline is a direct route to becoming your Greatest Version. As soon as you start taking responsibility for your actions and not getting in your own way, your pursuits and work/personal ventures will begin to go your way.

Improve work ethic

If you work hard enough and assert yourself, and use your mind and imagination, you can shape the world to your desires.
― Malcolm Gladwell, Outliers: The Story of Success

A work ethic is a personal set of standards for acceptable behaviors in the workplace. Work ethic directly influences how someone approaches their daily tasks, as they are driven by the passion and enjoyment they have for their work.

Workers with strong work ethics often far outpace their peers when it comes to achieving company objectives. An employee with a good work ethic can consistently produce high-quality work that helps move the organization forward.

Along with their professional attitudes within the workplace, employees like these exhibit model behavior for others to emulate. Their outlook and behavior can have a positive impact on other employees.

A good work ethic will not only make your job easier or better due to positive reactions from your employer, but it will also make you feel great. Knowing you’re doing your best and achieving is very healthy for your confidence and self-esteem. When you raise your work ethic, your job conditions and attitude will be better, and that will have the same effect on your life.

Have a side hustle

“The secret to getting ahead is getting started.” — Mark Twain

A side hustle can add to your financial security by increasing your income. You also have the potential to make a lot more per month, making it easier to pay off debts, save money, and just generally breathe a little easier when you make your budget.

Even so, building a successful side gig isn’t easy. It takes time, effort, and a lot of energy to commit yourself to more than one job and to do both well. For those of us who are already drained by the day-to-day but seeking more financial security, it can be challenging.

Understanding your “why” and keeping it top of mind will help you deal with the day-to-day challenges of starting and maintaining your side gig. It will also help you narrow down potential options and eliminate the ideas that don’t make sense for your situation.

The mark of a successful business or product is its ability to meet a need, serve a community, or solve a problem. Before pursuing your idea, do the research to make sure that your idea is doing at least one of these things.

Often people refrain from starting a side hustle because they’re under the impression that you need a significant amount of money to start. But this is false. You don’t need to start big. Start small and build up. Most businesses take a couple of years to turn a profit, but social media can be a great place to test the waters, market your services or products, and gauge potential interest.

Starting a side hustle will give you more financial freedom if you play it well. It will also give you a sense of achievement and pride in yourself. It’s not an easy thing, and as we know, doing hard things and being uncomfortable makes life more exciting. You’ll also become more interesting. Go for it!

Reframe competition

One of the most common misconceptions regarding competition in business is that reducing negative experiences with your business can avoid losing customers to competition. Surprisingly, customers mostly leave companies due to perceived indifference toward them, rather than outright negative experiences.

The first step to staying ahead of the competition in business is to know who your competition is and what they are doing. Keep up with your significant competitors and create a competitive analysis that is updated as the facts change. Your research doesn’t have to be complicated or perfect, but having one will keep you ahead of the game.

Can you and your salespeople answer immediately and concisely if asked how you differ from your competitors? Can every employee? Your Unique Selling Proposition (USP) is one of the most critical aspects of your company. If you don’t know exactly how you differ from others in the marketplace, you and your employees will struggle to communicate that difference regularly.

Competition in business requires you to be bold and clear when communicating with your target market. Knowing who your competition is, what they are doing, and where they are weak can help you sharpen your selling and marketing language. Help your prospects decide to choose you over your competition, and help your customers remember why they chose you in the first place.

Competition brings motivation. In Formula 1, drivers have admitted that starting in the first position is harder than being four or five places behind the front. This is obviously not the preferred position for the entire race, but for the most part of the race, it keeps them in a motivated place. Being in first doesn’t allow you to compete with anyone but yourself, which can sometimes be harder than having outer competition. Also, you have more to lose. The bigger you are, the harder you’ll fall. So enjoy the journey and allow your competition to drive you. And when you get in first place, remember that you yourself are still a competitor, and think about how you can keep raising the bar.

Understand and remove fear of failure

Fear is a natural part of human nature. The fear of failure can be so strong that avoiding failure eclipses the motivation to succeed. Insecurity about doing things incorrectly causes many people to unconsciously sabotage their chances for success.

The fear of failure not only causes us to avoid potentially harmful situations, but it also keeps us from reaching our full potential. It creates self-doubt, stalls progress, and may even lead us to go against our morals.

When you look at the possible roots causing your fear of failure, which ones resonate with you? Write down where you think the fear comes from, and try to understand it as an outsider. Perhaps your fear stems from something that happened in your childhood or a deep-seated insecurity. Naming the source of the fear takes away some of its power.

The fear of the unknown might keep you from taking a new job. Weigh the pros and cons, and imagine potential successes and failures in making such a life-altering decision. Knowing how things could turn out might help you get unstuck.

There are times when the worst case could be absolutely devastating. However, in many cases, if something bad happens, it won’t be the end of the world. It’s important to define how bad the worst-case scenario is in the grand scheme of your life. Sometimes, we give situations more power than they deserve. In most cases, a failure is not permanent.

Remember, becoming your Greatest Version will not only stop you from having a fear of failure, but it will also allow you to avoid failure to the best of your ability. The biggest failure of them all is simply not trying. In life, we learn through our mistakes, take risks, and maintain a positive attitude, and it will work out.

Turn should into must

If I could give you one piece of advice to help you follow through on your goals, it would be this: focus on your standards. This is the reason why some people achieve what they want while others don’t, why some succeed while others are stuck in the same place. As Tony Robbins puts it, it’s all about your “shoulds” and “musts”.

You may find yourself procrastinating or making excuses, and by the end of the year, you haven’t made any progress. Frustration sets in as negative thoughts take over, leading to a negative spiral that makes it seem like the whole world is against you.

You know that your “shoulds” are good for you, and if you were to commit to them, your life would change drastically. However, time goes by and nothing happens.

As human beings, we’re wired to do just the minimum required to survive. This becomes our standard, our comfort zone. Everything in our comfort zone is a must for us. To achieve our “shoulds,” we need to turn them into a must. We need to break out of our comfort zone and do more.

Turning “should” into “must” will give you a sense of achievement, and you can start small. The problem with saying “should” instead of “must” is that it brings you down. If you can’t control yourself, what can you control? This mindset destroys your motivation. But when you turn “should” into “must,” you’ll begin to see big results, especially in your financial and work life.

Set goals

Many people feel adrift in the world. They work hard, but they don’t seem to get anywhere worthwhile. A key reason for this feeling is that they haven’t spent enough time thinking about what they want from life and haven’t set formal goals. After all, would you set out on a major journey with no real idea of your destination?

The process of setting goals helps you choose where you want to go in life. By knowing precisely what you want to achieve, you know where you have to concentrate your efforts. You'll also quickly spot the distractions that can so easily lead you astray.

Top-level athletes, successful businesspeople, and achievers in all fields set goals. Setting goals gives you long-term vision and short-term motivation. It focuses your acquisition of knowledge and helps you to organize your time and resources so that you can make the most of your life.

When you've achieved a goal, take the time to enjoy the satisfaction of having done so. Absorb the implications of the goal achievement and observe the progress that you've made towards other goals.

Goals give your actions meaning. Without meaning, there is no reason or why, and without those, there is no motivation. Without motivation, there is no action. So, knowing what you want to do or achieve in whatever it is you are aiming towards will make it easier for you to go towards that.

Setting small goals up to a big goal is a good way to tackle life because you will have a pathway that will allow you to make it to where you want to be appropriately and logically in your head. If you just set a huge goal and don't know how to get there, you'll be stopped in your tracks pretty quickly.

Setting small goals that lead up to a larger goal is a good way to approach life because it creates a pathway that allows you to reach your destination logically and appropriately. If you only set a big goal without knowing how to get there, you’ll quickly get stuck.

Take risks and don’t shy away from mistakes

Entrepreneurship in any form can seem daunting, as can personal finance management. Many dream of becoming their own boss and embarking on their own journey, but fear can hold them back from leaving their nine-to-five jobs. Without proper leadership, startups may struggle to succeed.

However, taking risks can offer countless advantages. Entrepreneurs may discover a strategy that works for them, which nobody else has taken advantage of because of the significant risk involved. If you succeed in something new, then you may find a niche strategy that works without any competitors willing to take the same risk, at least for a while. In my experience, companies tend to succeed when they try new ways to build that no one else has already attempted.

As an entrepreneur, every decision you make carries different types of risks, such as strategic risk, reputation risk, and financial risk. Many of the things you do, say, or invest in can have a long-term impact. It is important to have a strategy when taking risks to evaluate whether the positive outcome will outweigh the possibility of failure.

Taking the next step could be the right thing to make you more content with your life. You will not be able to say that you never tried because you did. Sometimes trying as hard as you can is just as satisfying as succeeding because you know you put in all of your efforts.

Playing it safe is ultimately a defense tactic. We often have the misconception that making mistakes is the end of the game. But, if you keep in mind the worst-case scenario and feel it’s okay to move forward, then take the risk. High-risk, high-reward, and vice versa. Sometimes, the way to level up is to put all your cards on the table and hope your risk pays off. If not, dust yourself off and try again until you do get on the right side of your risk.

Prioritise outcomes

When you learn how to prioritize your most important work, it’s easier to increase your productivity and performance. Developing effective prioritization techniques helps you increase your efficiency, manage your time better, and improve your focus on your most important work.

Prioritizing your workload is an important skill to develop if you want to improve how you manage your work. The benefits of prioritizing your workload include less stress, improved time management, and greater productivity. Prioritization helps you focus and feel more confident and effective at work. Prioritizing your most important work helps you take control of your time and ensures you meet important deadlines.

Prioritizing your workload improves your productivity and efficiency. Prioritization helps you get clear on your most important activities, ensuring you devote your time and attention to work on them.

Prioritizing your workload helps you get more time back. Instead of working longer hours, you can work smarter, not harder on your biggest priorities. By prioritizing your workload, you have more time to recharge and take mental and physical breaks from work.

Prioritization also helps you become more productive on your most important work. When you prioritize and work on a small number of essential tasks, you can manage your workload and have more time to focus on bigger goals.

Understanding that when you prioritize, you actually take pressure off yourself and it will allow you not to be so stressed out by your work. For example, some parents say, “eat your greens first so you can enjoy what you like after,” rather than leaving them till last and having that taste in your mouth. If you prioritize what you need to get done, then all the other factors of your job or project will be easier.

Prioritising also comes in the form of how much time you want to spend on something. People think it’s vital to work all day, but that’s not only false but unhealthy too. If you make sure when you are working, it is in a very efficient way, rather than working all day on a low level of effort, then you will get more done. Prioritise that idea, and you’ll find more balance and joy in your work life.

Give back

What’s the first thing you want to do when you receive incredible news? You reach out to someone who’s important to you to share it. What do you do when something terrible happens? Hopefully, you reach out to a loved one for support. We rely on the people around us for emotional support during good and bad times. As much as this need for connection is ingrained in us, it also works the other way.

Why is it important to give back to the community? Because the secret to living is giving. True fulfillment doesn’t lie in material possessions, following a certain blueprint for your life, or even finding a passionate relationship. Those things are all parts of achieving a good life. But real meaning in life never comes from what you get; it comes from what you give.

The importance of giving back to society cannot be understated. When you give back, you’re able to improve the lives of the people around you — your loved ones, the people in your community, or the lives of people somewhere else in the world. Finding meaning by giving back to the community doesn’t just benefit others, it benefits you as well.

As soon as you start to give back to the people who have given to you or who are not able to have what you have, or just people in need, you’ll realize that it’s a great feeling for everyone. If you constantly take, you’ll soon run out of resources. Give back and keep your network healthy. Life is about balance, and your taking/giving balance is a big one.

Expect luck

Most people will tell you luck is about being at the right place with the right people at the right time — but there’s a lot more to luck than that. The dictionary describes luck as events that influence your life but are not of your making.

If we believe we are in perfect control of our lives, we are kidding ourselves. Even the most careful planning runs into the unexpected. That’s inevitable.

The first step toward improving your luck is to acknowledge that luck exists. Lucky people position themselves for luck by organizing their lives and work so they can embrace opportunities and weather storms.

Lucky people surround themselves with people who have things happening for them. Cultivate the kind of personality that gets you noticed, and then make contacts and get involved. Lucky people know that you learn more by listening than by speaking. When you listen, you can observe more, see more, and know more. They also know it’s a lot harder to get yourself in trouble when you keep your mouth shut.

Lucky people always seem to have more than one venture going on at the same time, so if one thing doesn’t work out, there are plenty of other options. A consistently lucky person is someone who sees life for what it is and does all they can to be flexible, agile, observant, optimistic, and understanding.

If you don’t believe in the fact that you create your own luck, what’s the point in trying to make something special happen? Because you’ll be constantly waiting for that magic that helps you along the way — luck. But knowing you have some control over luck will shift your mind into a place where all you need to do is position yourself correctly and act right, and you’ll start to benefit hard. Believe it to see it.

Enjoy downtime

We all know that simply stopping work doesn’t stop our minds from racing. Our brains are constantly working, but there’s a major difference between the kind of work we do for money and the way our brains work to support us in our daily lives. That’s why experts say downtime is crucial to a balanced life and a productive workplace.

Too much stress can lead to long-term health problems. That’s because sustained levels of cortisol can wear out our organs. And the longer our bodies are conditioned to respond to work with stress hormones, the harder it can be to learn how to break those patterns and relax.

Meditation is a great exercise for learning how to transition between work and downtime. Dr. Hanson explains that the practice of meditation teaches us how to force our brains to redirect and refocus from intrusive thoughts. That’s extremely helpful if you find yourself fixating on work-related tasks outside of the office that you aren’t responsible for completing in that moment.

It’s not widely known how crucial downtime is to our work performance and our overall well-being. And work is crucial to our downtime enjoyment. Downtime gives us time and space to enjoy our personal lives and complete personal tasks. It grants us time with family, friends, and our hobbies.

The balance between downtime and work is one of the most important aspects of life. Too much work leads to burnout, while too much downtime leads to depression. Realising that work and play are firmly linked and acting on that knowledge will make life so much better and more enjoyable. You’ll work hard at work, thinking, “Oh, I can’t wait to chill out. I’m going to earn that and feel great about it.” Then, in moments of downtime, you’ll think, “I worked well today. I don’t need to worry about work at all.” And just like that, life is good. Do it in your own way obviously.

(*)How to become your Greatest Version

Okay, so you’re probably thinking, “What’s going on?” What is going on is that we are going to cater this article to you by creating your own Greatest Version list. Since becoming your Greatest Version is a personal thing, let’s personalize this for you.

Below, you will find all of the points I have mentioned within the 7 different categories. What I want you to do is pick the points within those sections that you feel are most crucial to your self-growth and what is something you need to be made aware of.

Health & Wellness

• Exercise in the morning
• Healthy Eating
• Optimise your sleep
• Routines/Empowering Rituals

Psychological and Anxiety Management

• Get Sunlight
• Start Journalling
• Celebrate Small Wins
• Erase trauma
• Understand your triggers
• Understand your anxiety and learn how to live with it
• Don’t drown in your thoughts
• Control your mind
• The negativity bias
• Don’t seek comfort
• Love yourself
• Spend less time on social media
• Do some shadow work
• Take care of your habitat
• Be conscious, be self-conscious. But don’t over do it.
• Self-esteem
• Work on your confidence
• Positive Affirmations
• Be great, not perfect. Using compassion.

Spirituality and Emotion/Personal Growth

• Meditation
• Be present
• Get yourself into therapy
• Connect with your inner child
• Believe in something
• Use higher thinking
• Begin manifesting and/or visualising
• Procrastination
• Adopt a growth mindset
• Sit down, be humble
• Be positive
• Have patience
• Focus on you
• Be willing to shed you’re old identity
• Drop the ego
• Have balance

Hobbies and Enjoyment

• Have hobbies
• Write on Medium
• Start cooking
• Reading
• Learn a language
• Play a musical instrument
• Exercise
• Whatever you want

Social Life

• Love others
• Give and accept help
• Listen
• Be good, not nice or bad
• Respond not react
• Trust until you can’t
• Ignore and avoid gossip(ing)
• Not everyones going to like you
• It’s good to be independant, but not too much
• Don’t Peacock, be Human.
• Quit the judgement
• Don’t be a burden
• Understand everyone is struggling
• In conflict, try to resolve it, and if its not possible walk away.
• Know your boundaries and put them in place.
• Believe in a fulfilling Social Life
• Don’t always be available
• Be relaxed and move slow
• Have some fucking fun

Attractiveness/Relationships

• Do the best with what you’ve got
• Have good posture
• Be on time
• Give complements
• Be nice about your ex
• Don’t talk about money
• Be humble
• Be careful who you pick, or who picks you
• Show high value
• Take care of you body
• Be kind
• Understand your attachment style (and change it if neccesary)
• Get yourself ones of those, hmm what are they called? Oh yeah, a sense of humour.
• Rejection
• Be someone you’d want to be in a relationship with

Work Life and Finance.

• Be smart with money
• Go the extra mile
• Discipline
• Improve work ethic
• Have a side hustle
• Reframe competition
• Understand and remove fear of failure
• Turn should into must
• Set goals
• Take risks and don’t shy away from mistakes
• Prioritise outcomes
• Give back
• Expect luck
• Enjoy downtime

Note: The information on the points is a summary of each important lesson to learn and behavior to adopt, so make sure you follow up with your own research. Additionally, the writing on each article is not all mine; I have taken writing from a number of sources in addition to my own writing. However, I have not added links to where I took the information. This is to allow you to do your own research. Remember, anything easy is not worth it.

Obviously, all of the points on the list are crucial. But in order to kick off your journey towards becoming your Greatest Version, you need to build a base — a set of things you need to do to become a person who is capable and willing to transform into their best self.

So, pick the things that you need to do, and the things you should or want to do can come later, while still using this article. If you feel as though all of them would benefit you, then great! But it’s not necessary. All I will say is to be critical and objective. Becoming your Greatest Version won’t work if you don’t commit to it. And that commitment requires taking necessary actions to receive the benefits, which are a package deal.

Once you have noted down the points you need to do to become your Greatest Version, grab your journal, or if you don’t have one, get one and take notes. Do your own research and integrate that into your life. If you want to become your Greatest Version, you need to be aware of all of these points and probably more. But the thing about this is that becoming your Greatest Version isn’t just an action; it’s a lifestyle choice.

Knowing this hopefully takes the pressure off, and by working towards your Greatest Version every day, getting after it, and improving, you will become your greatest version.

What the lifestyle looks like

So, here is how your Greatest Version can look in a daily format: Start of the day:

• Optimise your morning routine.
• Take actions leading to professional growth, work life, side hustles, investments.
• Engage in activities that optimise your personal growth, social life, hobbies, and what you want to do.
• Optimise your bedtime routine.

In this routine, make sure you add activities such as weekly exercise, goal chasing, meditation, journaling, etc. wherever you feel they fit into your day. Again, it’s personal, but it’s best to break your day up into those four categories. The reason why I have set it out this way, so plainly, is that your Greatest Version is so personal to you. All the information you need is in this article, and if not, just go online. There are optimal ways to do these things, but you can find what’s best for you. And I don’t want to share mine as it is, like yours will be, personal.

Final thoughts

So, there you have it — a guide to becoming your Greatest Version. I will say that this journey is not as easy (especially physically) as playing video games all day. But it’s only for a month! We are creatures of habit, and if we can commit to our Greatest Version for just a month, we can successfully put in the building blocks and give ourselves a great opportunity for the life we want to live, both now and in the future. And we can let go of the past, too. Remember, you are not your thoughts, but your actions.

This article is your guide, so keep coming back to it, and even print it out and take notes if necessary. Remember, it’s a lifestyle choice — a way to take responsibility for your life.

There’s no better feeling than being your Greatest Version. And by taking the pressure off and knowing that it doesn’t have to look a certain way and by doing it with balance — not constantly working and grinding out the day like it seems on Instagram — you can set yourself free.

Become your Greatest Version by making this lifestyle choice and upgrading every aspect of your life starting right now! You deserve this, and if you don’t go for it, you’ll be missing out on what you dream about the most — fulfilment in all areas of your life.