Recently, I have found out what a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) is and with that, the fact that I am a Highly Sensitive Person. Finding this information was incredibly liberating and frankly calming to me as now I have found out why I have been experiencing life in a way that seems different to others and why I have felt misunderstood at times.
A Highly Sensitive Person or HSP is not a diagnosed condition but a medical phenomenon, there have been studies done and those studies find that being a HSP is considered a personality trait and nothing more. It’s thought that a mere 20% of the Human Population is HSP, making it a rare trait and why possibly those with it can experience trouble within the social world, but I will get into that later. Also, around 100 species of other animals are HSP. For example, Birds, Rats and Monkeys to name a few.
A Highly Sensitive Person in Social Life is more attuned to the subtleties around them including, smell, sound and most notably other people’s emotions and behaviours. Which is why life can be difficult for HSPs in a social regard. We feel the world in a higher volume, more intensely. Therefore, sometimes thought of as sensitive or thin-skinned. But this label has become due to misunderstanding.
Being HSP is a superpower in my opinion. The trait allows one to pick up on things 80% of the population does not! So, if you’re in a group of 5 and you feel you’re a HSP, the probability is your peers are not. And what I’ve come to learn is, if you or they are not aware of this fact, life can be difficult for one or more of the parties involved.
The positive fact, if you have this personality trait, is that you have a gift. This gift is held by many of the world’s creatives. For example, Actors, Comedians, Artists, Counsellors. It is because of this trait that they decide against living the ‘normal’ way and get a 9–5. Having a HSP as a friend is a gift too. But if you inform your friends and they reject you, it’s their loss because the chances are that you will go on and do something meaningful. This is why HSPs have been encouraged to find other HSPs to be friends with as you understand each other’s needs and can live to the standards that you can be happy within.
So, now you know what a Highly Sensitive Person is, here are 11 clues that you’re a Highly Sensitive Person.
Clue #1: You find it hard to let go of emotions and trauma.
Starting with a tough one here. The Highly Sensitive person’s mind has/needs to analyse issues, no matter how big or small, over and over again. Which can be exhausting. If you’re wondering why you just can’t easily let go of that small, potentially rude potentially not, passing comment or gesture that a friend or family member put towards you; or, that friendship breakdown three years ago that was traumatic and you can’t seem to kick it from your mind. You might be reading the right article.
Clue #2: You’re frequently emotionally exhausted from absorbing other peoples actions and feelings.
Being highly sensitive means you pick up on pretty much everything around you, intensely. This especially comes to light in your reaction to other peoples actions and feelings. Highly Sensitive People have very high empathy for others, meaning you feel others biggest accomplishments as much as their biggest failures and care about loved ones deeply. Also, you take things very personally as you’re usually trying to be as nice as possible (due to high empathy). When treated badly or even in the presence of a person who isn’t in the right mental space to be in a social environment, you take it personally and absorb it completely. Leaving HSPs deeply wounded and tired.
It is important for the Highly Sensitive Person to learn when to absorb other peoples emotions and when to be able to brush it off and move on quickly from negative vibes and actions. Although this task will never be easy for a HSP, it helps to know you’re not the only one who does this.
Clue #3: You withdraw often
When you’re constantly feeling everything around you it is easy to become overwhelmed. From personal experience this especially prolific when you’re around people all day at work or on holiday etc. So, you withdraw and need space. This can be seen as a bad or even a weird thing to do by your peers. But, this is because they don’t understand your needs. You need to do what is best for you otherwise you will become an unauthentic version of yourself and be miserable. Start doing what you need to do in order to be happy, creative and productive because when you are those things, you make the world a better place.
Clue #4: You think deeply.
Favourably, you have a rich inner world. You have big dreams and goals. Maybe even achievements beyond your years. You’re not just thinking about tomorrow but what you’re going to do down the line. These goals aren’t small either, you want to do something big and exciting, something that you’re scared of but know you can achieve. You challenge yourself, which in this world is against the grain. Sadly. Along with this, you’re always thinking about others and how others can get the best from their lives. This can be a good thing as you push people and help them achieve their goals. But, don’t fool yourself into believing it’s your job to help them. There’s a saying, “don’t fix what ain’t broke”. Put your energy into yourself. Set an example and hopefully, they will follow, if not, so be it.
Clue #5: Your clothing is matters.
You, as a HSP, are super creative. In everything. One of this everything is your clothing. Clothing to you is not just a piece of fabric you put on to keep warm or to avoid getting arrested for indecent exposure. You are a canvas and your clothing is your paintbrush. You like to look good because it makes you feel good. Naturally, you like being complimented (even if it’s secretly, and embarrassing). Choosing your clothes is another way to express yourself let your emotions flow.
Clue #6: You don’t need stimulants or performance enhancers.
Now, this was a big one for me as I used to have the occasional coffee before work or something along those lines. But, I found myself having breakdowns and overthinking way too much causing me to be overwhelmed. As a HSP, your mind is already rich with ideas, thoughts are flowing constantly and you feel awake enough to function plausibly from the moment you accept that the day has begun. Consuming caffeine, alcohol or drugs will make your mind go that step too far and you’ll become overwhelmed and need to come back into your usual headspace. Decaff coffee, water instead of a cheeky beverage and natural consumption of moments will be much better than their popular alternatives for you. You’ll probably experience questioning because of this, but you got to do what you got to do and if people can’t accept it, that’s not your fault
Clue #7: Conflict is hard to be involved in.
Conflict is like poison to you. Like I have mentioned, you absorb everything around you, especially other peoples actions and emotions. Therefore, when you’re disagreeing with someone you find it hard to stay calm and collected. Thus, tend to shut down and want to, again, withdraw. This leads to you wishing you had the nerve to say how you felt in the moment. Then, evolves into a continual mulling over of the event. As mentioned, you find it hard to let things slide and it may become trauma. As a HSP you must learn to have the guts to say how you feel in the moment to avoid pain. Or, if you can, let it slide. Weigh up the facts and do what you think is best. Be brave, Be strong. Otherwise, you will end up feeling hurt. You teach people how to treat you in this world, so teach them.
Clue #8: Criticism is hard to swallow.
Undeniably, this is similar to the last clue, but still has unique elements to it. When taking criticism, you may feel under pressure and not say what you want to say. But, what I have learned is that you as a HSP, strive for perfection. You are a perfectionist. So, when criticism takes place, you must remove your ego from the situation. You are trying your best, but think about it like this: Are you experienced what you’re taking criticism for? Is the other person? Is this criticism hitting a trigger of yours, you know it is a weakness for you and you’ve been trying to hide it? Should you take the criticism and grow or is the other person out of place and just trying to manipulate you somehow?
As you’re a Highly Sensitive Person, you have a skill that allows you to be able to look at situations in many different perspectives. Again, due to empathy. So, take a moment, step back (you’re allowed to do that) and decide what is best for you. You must learn to trust yourself otherwise you won’t be able to move forward in life. That isn’t just for HSPs, but for all people.
Clue #9: You compare yourself to others.
This is something that most people do, but especially Highly Sensitive People due to their constant thinking and rich inner world. You strive to be better and you often compare yourself to someone more prolific to you at that moment. The truth is, that person once was you. But, they did not get there by comparing themselves to others and becoming demotivated by it. Those people would most likely see their role models and do anything to get there, even reach higher than them. So, turn what is most often a negative trait into a positive one. Strive to be better through others, but don’t be upset if you’re not there yet. You will get there if you just keep on pushing. “Just keep swimming” — Dory, Nemo.
Clue #10: You take things personally.
This clue has been slightly touched on in other clues. Such as the fact you’re a perfectionist or you can’t stand conflict. The latter being more prolific here.
Sometimes people say things in the moment simply to get to you, push your buttons. They may use personal information you told them to try to get under your skin. But as a Highly sensitive person especially, you must learn that sometimes people just want to hurt you. Maybe they feel bad about themselves and want to put you down because of that. Maybe they want you to do something without asking you to, so they decide to try and make you indirectly. Maybe they’re jealous of you. try not to take things personally. People know exactly what they’re doing and if they took just a moment to deliver their thoughts in the right way, you could have an easy conversation about whatever that is. If they decide to attack you personally, it’s about them not you. Simple as that. Trust yourself.
Also, jokes and sarcasm can be hard to digest as such for HSPs, this is because of your deep thinking and analysis. You should learn to know when a joke is a joke and to let it slide. You can do this with mindfulness and practise.
Clue #11: You’re misunderstood.
The last point is somewhat a conclusion of all the last clues put together. Essentially, because of the clues I’ve mentioned, people think of you as sensitive and potentially dramatic. It is your duty to take control of your life and stop having to repair things when things go wrong in your relationships. Here is my advice. You have three options to have a happy life as a HSP.
Option 1: Let your family and friends know about your new-found personality trait. Hopefully, if you allow loved ones in and let them know why you react (or don’t) to certain parts of life they will accept you and be able to move forward with you. Option two: Make friends with other Highly Sensitive People and live together in a way that suits you as a collective. This will most likely be very fulfilling, and if done right can be rewarding to you like you could have never imagined relationships could be. Not to say remove other friends, but make a point to find other HSPs to befriend. Finally, option three: Stop caring so much and don’t be sorry. Be authentic to you, act the way you want (albeit you don’t harm others). This will take trust in yourself. But, if you can accept that people won’t always get you and be okay with that, you may just unlock a door that will make all your dreams come true. Being authentic is scary, but, silent harmony is worse than honest conflict. If you need to let your feelings be known, do it. But don’t be sorry about it. Take control of your life and be happy.
Ending this article, id like to say that it may seem like a task to be yourself as a Highly Sensitive Person. But, by getting to know yourself and being accepting of the things you cant control in your life, you’ll see that its much less a burden than it is a gift.
If you have corresponded with most if not all of the clues in this article, I encourage you to get plenty of alone time to digest thoughts and reset yourself if need be. Go out in nature, allow the perfectly still world give you a feeling of peace in a chaotic world. Finally, indulge in self-care and get to know yourself, to allow yourself the chance to be the greatest version of you. You can make a difference in this world. You got this.
Thanks for reading,
Tom Tozer.
